25 Years Ago – Spring 1996

This is a bit of fiction from the Spring 1996 Miata Club of America Magazine and is technically copyrighted, which I always ignore (its not like I’m making any money here.) But I at least try to credit the author. I can’t do that this time because for some reason there isn’t an author listed for this story. Remind me later to write about what happened when I went searching for the author of Winter ’95 article

The Meter Man

I’m the meter man.

New York City. Lexington from 86th to 89th. Seventy-two spaces. Sixty-eight meters. Four loading zones. Daylight hours I walk the beat. Keep ’em moving. Keep this big city on its toes on my three blocks. I’m the meter man.

Mostly it’s imports. A few old domestics. Used to be only 52 spaces, then the cars got smaller. City came in and restriped my blocks. More cars, more meters. More infractions. More tickets to write. That’s good for me. I’m the meter man.

Some folks abuse the system. The system never likes to be abused. I’ll give you one renewal. Maybe two. Try to take up a spot all morning and I’ll zero your meter the minute you walk off. Citation goes under the wiper. Always the passenger side. Face down. Per the code. Meter man code. Gotta keep things moving.

I get some arguments. Some threats. I just boot ’em if they get noisy. Big nasty orange boot I keep in the Cushman. Locks the tire down so nobody goes nowhere unless I say so. I love putting that boot on and walking away, a Joe or Jane screaming at the top of their lungs. Where they gonna go? I booted ’em. I’m the meter man.

I make my morning rounds by eight, chalking tires and resetting empties. Not that slots stay empty on my blocks. A regular stretch of commerce I got here. A big bank. A yuppie coffee shop. A few grocery stores. A subway station at 86th. Not my jurisdiction. I’m strictly top ground.

My home base sits opposite the bank. It’s a booth in the Gold Arm Restaurant. Good java. Black and hot. Don’t know what country the beans come from. Don’t care. Just make it bottomless and hot. Two cups per hour – that’s my limit. Can’t get jittery, start given tickets at whim. You’ll loose the respect of your constituency. When that happens, the system crashes.

They know me. I know them. The same people come here each day. Usually go for the same spots. Sort of like they all agreed to come at the same time and take the same spots each day. I went to the ballet once. My blocks are kinda like that somedays. Everything fits. The system works.

‘Bout a year ago something new came up. A white import job, one of those Miatas came on the block. Started hanging around. Would move from spot to spot, stay around all morning and then leave. Strange thing was, the meters were paid, but the Jane sometimes wouldn’t leave the car. Just sat watching the meter go down. After a few hours, she would leave. Always paid in time, always parked straight. Fit right into the system, sort of.

I like those Miatas. Me and the wife would love to get one. It’d take a lot of nickels to get close. This one was nice. A ’95 white on tan leather. CD player. Stock wheels. Factory Dunlops (you get to notice treads in my line of work). Maybe when I retire they’ll give me one of those. Right, ha, and the Mayor will come for dinner. Ha! That’s a good one! Gotta tell Betty that one. Ha!

This Miata keeps on showing up. Takes slots near the bank. Jane goes in, stays, then comes out. This goes on for two weeks. I’m getting to get suspicious. I think this Jane is trying to get some free time. I notice that each time the meter goes down, she don’t come out right on time. She’s getting sloppy, taking longer to renew. I’m giving her the three times up, but she’s abusing the grace period.

The grace period is my contribution to the system. I’ll give you four minutes to renew after the meter goes down. I’m not a mean guy, I know people are busy. Four minutes for free. That’s my oil in the system, keeps the street running, the regulars happy. But Jane with the Miata is scarfing a buffer she ain’t earned. Four minutes she asked for right away. Then it was five. I don’t know what she’s doing in that bank, but she stays for three cycles every morning. Each cycle she takes the five minute buffer. She’s stealing time on my beat.

One day a plan comes to me. I’m sitting in the Gold Arm having my second cup o’joe and it appears clear as day. I can take that Miata away from her. I can boot it and get it impounded for twenty-four hours. That’ll show ’em all. A pure white sacrifice to the system. I begin to lay my plan for that Miata.

I get my boot device out of the Cushman and start carrying it around with me. I’m going to surprise little miss Miata with a ticket today. Gonna hit her on the first cycle. If she abuses my slot again, I’ll boot ‘er fast as daylight.

It comes up like clockwork. She takes a slot right in front of the bank. Goes in. Cycle passes, she comes out five minutes late for renewal. I’ve already ticketed her. She sees the ticket and renews her meter. Doesn’t even look at the ticket. That’s some kinda moxy. Alright little lady, if it’s attitude you want, it’s attitude you’ll get.

I ticket her again during her second cycle. Gotta have two separate ticketing events before the boot comes out. That’s code. Gotta go by the book if we want the impound. Others will be involved if the car leaves my street, gotta have an iron clad case on this one.

Third cycle, she exits the bank before the meter’s flag drops. She’s gone. Missed her today, but got my two tickets down. Now I can boot ‘er. I got my NYC Official Paper Trail. She’s all mine. Nobody beats the system on my block.

Next day, she shows up per usual. Circles the grid a few times looking for a bank-up spot. They’re tough to get. Fifth time around she sees an opening coming out. Double parks, flashers on, waiting for the owner to pull out. I pace across the street. I stop and stare at her double parked there. She looks over. I duck behind a tree. Don’t want to tip her off that she’s being watched. Not today. She hustles into her spot. You’re mine today, little girl…

She goes in the bank after filling her meter. I go to my booth and order a jolt. Forty-five minutes from now. Forty-five minutes to showdown time. I got my orange boot in the Cushman right outside. The system is going to win today.

Forty-four minutes and she’s still inside. I’ve broken my rule and I’m on my seventh cup of joe. My hand shakes as I pour in the sugar. The spoon against the cup sounds like a bell. “For whom the bell tolls,” I say to myself. I let go a laugh. A nervous caffeine jacked-up laugh. Gotta get serious. Almost show time.

Forty-five minutes. Done. Now the grace clock starts. Four minutes to go. No fiver today, pretty miss. The system is hungry today. Countdown to boot-time.

Two minutes into grace. The waitress brings me cup number nine. I submarine it. Never take my eyes of the white Miata. Time to go. I drop a ten spot on the table. Lucky waitress. Maybe lucky me. Not so lucky for Jane today.

I walk out to the Cushman. The orange boot is kept in a special holder in the back. I grab it out and hold it in my right had Check my watch on my left wrist. I rolled up my sleeve so I can see it clearly. Three minutes, thirty seconds. I begin strolling across the street. Traffic stops for me. The system is gathering a head of steam. I’m the coal tender.

I reach the Miata. Check the watch. Four. Three. Two. One. I look up to the flag on the meter. It reads “VIOLATION”. Man, I love the system.

I kneel down and boot the driver’s side front wheel. My hands fumble, numb from the caffeine. My breathing is shallow. My heart is racing. The cars passing in the street roar against my ears.

I get the lock set. I stand up and kick the boot hard with my left foot. It stays. It’s on. I cross back over to my unit. Glancing back, I see the orange boot like some bear trap on the Miata. Mine, all mine. I radio from my unit to HQ. Call in a pickup for 37th. Flatbed unit – can’t damage such a car.

I go back to my booth and order two cups of java. New pot. Slice of pie a la mode. Today I am king. I wait for the tow team.

I watch the bank’s front door for a sign of Jane. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she sees it. A head on collision with the system. Me at the wheel.

Ten minutes later she comes out. Something’s strange. She’s running. Jane’s wearing sunglasses and a hat. Some guy is with her. They are both running. Jane circles around the car. She’s carrying a large duffle bag in one hand, it swings wide as she comes around the rear bumper. Must be full of something. Instinctively, I stand up and go out to the curb. I hear a bell ringing loudly.

The guy with Jane has already gotten in the car. Jane is opening up the driver’s door and sees it. From across the street I can see the blood drain from her face. She yells something. Two uniforms come charging out of the bank. Guns drawn overhead. Lots of screaming. Jane and friend run from the Miata in my direction. Uniforms yell to me to stop them.

Not my jurisdiction. I don’t carry a gun. I’m the meter man Different system.

Jane and friend run past. My uniform is invisible to them. I take my chalking stick and trip Jane. Guy gets away. Uniforms cross over and cuff Jane. Duffle bag is full of dough. A precinct unit arrives. Takes her away. The block settles down. I go back to my booth. Big headache.

I glance across the street and see it. The Miata is still there. Key in the ignition. Boot on the wheel. A bigger plan emerges. A much bigger plan.

The flatbed arrives and I unboot the Miata for loading. Anthony is the driver. His father is a friend. I tell him which impound lot to take it to on the south side. Covered lot. Safe lot. Hidden lot. We call it the Queens triangle. Cars seem to get lost in there. Often.

Sixty days later I call for the auction date on case #95QB376-GB. It is the 5th of June. Today is the 4th. I make another call.

It’s midnight at the precinct on the 4th. The chief comes out with the paperwork for the auction. It is normally scheduled for 10:00 a.m. on the sale date. Legally, it can be rescheduled to fit the chief’s workload. The chief is not busy at one minute after midnight on the 5th. We schedule the auction for then. Chiefs a friend of mine. And of the system.

“Pertaining to case #95QB376-GB for the City of New York,” the chief says loudly to all in the waiting room where I am seated. Me and two drunks look up. “Said case has fines held against it totaling $125 for parking violations and $85 for towing.” I pull out a roll of bills from my left pocket. Pulled it out of my pension account that morning. “I now open the bidding at $210,” the chief starts. “Do I hear $210”.

I stand, hands shaking. “$250,” I call out. The system likes a fair player. “Sold,” the chief says. Betty will be so proud.

————-

We pull into Niagara Falls on a beautiful day. Betty looks great. My arms are sunburnt. The top is down. We drove all day to get here. Took back roads. Nice car.

I park along a red curb. We get out to go to the falls. I pull a blank parking ticket from my breast pocket. I fold it in half. Put it under my driver’s side wiper. Betty smiles. Professional Courtesy will keep our Miata safe. One of the advantages to being me. I’m the meter man.

Copyright 1996, Miata Magazine. Reprinted without permission.

 

Bathroom Refresh

While we are avid consumers of HGTV and its bevy of remodeling shows, neither of us are enamored with an open concept. Nor are we lusting after a lot of the newer “high end” finished drooled over by many. The current House of Bogardi is 57 years old and somewhere in its the past, some updating has been done. The kitchen and bathrooms were done sometime in their lifespan, from the looks, sometime near the turn of the century time frame.

And while we are pretty happy with the way most things look, there are a few small items that we would like to address. The first thing we want to improve on are the bathroom vanities in both the on suite and the other main floor bath. They are dull pale yellow color with dark tops and oil rubbed bronze fixtures and while they looked OK when the walls were beige, they don’t really go that well with the green and blue we have painted the rooms. Plus they are a might too big for the smaller mid century sized rooms.

Another thig we want to do is change out 2 of the 3 toilets. The main flor bath has a newer chair height unit while the on suite and lower floor bath’s have older lower seats. Considering that when we redid the bathroom back in Aiken we put the taller chair toilets in, whenever either of us uses the lower toilets those couple of inches feel like a steep drop.

Today we took step one, drove over to Home Depot bought a vanity, facet set and wall light fixture for the blue main floor bath. The vanity is gray with a white top and because the cabinet handles are brushed nickel we also bought a faucet set and wall light in the same finish.

I was careful to measure the depth and width of the vanity to make sure it would fit in the back hatch of the Mini with the seats down. It looked like as long as there was was not too much packing material around it we would be fine. When we got to the store and dragged the vanity box out from the shelf it was under, it looked awfully big, especially in the height department. So I went up front to the Customer Service Desk to ask if they had a tape measure I could borrow. Went back and measured the box, depth 21″, width 33″ and height 38″. Strolled out to the car and had plenty for the depth, pretty close to enough for the width and height.

I returned the tape measure and we put the three items on a cart and headed for the check out. when I got to the car and stuffed our vanity in the back of the Ladybug it went right in width and depth-wise, but the height was fine at the bottom, but 21″ straight up the box was hitting the slanted hatch. I sort of forgot that the box was three dimensional. The hatch would come down and almost close, but even moving the front seats forward slightly, it wouldn’t close. So I moved the seats all the way back again and bungee corded the hatch almost shut. Because the vanity consumed nearly all the hatch area, Donna had to ride home sharing her half of front seat with the boxes of the faucet and wall light.

Some time a couple three weeks from now I’ll see how hard it is to remove the old vanity and backsplash and put the new one in.

Sport, Off-Road, Touring

Et tu, Brute Edition of SORT
As of Monday, March 15, 2021 at 9:00 PM pacific time:

Sport Off-Road Touring
2007 Honda S2000 1985 Toyota Land Cruiser 2000 BMW 540i
A seer had warned that harm would come to Caesar no later than the Ides of March. On his way to the Theatre of Pompey, where he would be assassinated, Caesar passed the seer and joked, “The Ides of March are come”, implying that the prophecy had not been fulfilled, to which the seer replied, “Aye, Caesar; but not gone.”

Are You In The Loop?

In the beginning of this pandemic with everyone stuck at home, people were heavily using streaming services to watch movies and TV as a way to pass the time indoors. For some, pandemic themed movies are what they wanted and those started shooting to the top of the most watched lists. Contagion, 28 Days Later, 12 Monkeys, and Outbreak all had a nice little resurgence. I was not interested, COVID was scary enough by itself and I wasn’t getting promised that guaranteed feel good Hollywood ending that they had.

As shelter in place, stay way from people, don’t go far recommendations persisted, a lot of days started to seem a lot like all the others. Almost like being stuck in a time loop and being doomed to repeat the same day over and over again. Seeing that I’m a sucker for time travel movies, this was the stuff I could watch.

I went back and rewatched Edge of Tomorrow. I also love Sci-Fi so this one is a favorite movie for me, and what’s not to love, Tom Cruise gets killed a dozens of times. Back in 2019 Netflix produced a little show called Russian Doll that used this Live, Die, Repeat1 trope as well. I watched it then and have recently rewatched it.

Because I just remembered it, today I went back and watched again something from another favorite of mine, The X-Files. Specifically Season 6’s Episode 14 entitled Monday, that involves Scully and Mulder2 and a bank robbery with the same we die and come back on the same day plot line.

In July Hulu premiered a new movie called Palm Springs with this theme as well, but puts a slight comic spin on it. It starred Adam Samberg and Cristin Milioti, but J.K. Simmons almost steals the show for me from the “guest star” role. It got a lot of well deserved buzz and I enjoyed it so much I watched it twice, about a month apart. Not to be left out of the temporal anomaly band wagon, Amazon Prime premiered The Map of Tiny Perfect Things just last month. This one is a sort of teen romantic comedy and it works. And for my money has the tidiest resolve of any of these things.

Speaking of rom-com time loop movies, this brings us around to the gold standard of this genre, Groundhog Day. Although I have seen this 1993 movie starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell movie a few times already, I think it is time to schedule a rewatch before too long. But first I’m off to Google “time loop movies” to see if I’m missing any hidden gems.

Mini and Bicycle Racks

We have the 2-bike version of the Saris Bones rack that is perfect for the Miata and carrying our road bikes (or in a pinch the tandem), but now we also have a Mini and mountain bikes. Because of the plastic roof small lip spoiler on the Mini there is no place to hook what would be the top straps of the Bones without risking breaking that plastic piece. After doing a bunch of online searching around the Mini Forums and not really finding anyone with a good work around, they just put the straps on ignoring the pressure on the lip, I was about to give up when I had an idea – a pool noodle.

I went to my favorite store, Amazon, and found the largest diameter noodle with the highest density and bought an Oodles Monster Jumbo Pool Noodle. When I got it, I cut it to the length of the width of the back window to try it out. I got the rack arms adjusted to get them parallel to the ground and braced the bottom legs on the bumper. I then lengthened the straps so I could get them hooked in the right spots. The top straps hooked in on top and the noodle was just right in keeping any pressure off the lip spoiler, the side straps hooked on the body of the door, not the glass, but the bottom straps would not reach the bottom of the hatch door. I think it might have worked without them, but I would probably get some longer ones for some enhanced security.

Seeing as I have never tried the mountain bikes with the Bones rack, now was the time. I went and got my MTB to put on spot closest to the car because it is the tallest. Because of the frame geometry the bike rested in a nose down attitude, unlike the level look of the road bikes. The frame tubes are rectangular, not round, they didn’t rest in the cradle nicely, but with the three loops tightened it was held in tightly. I then grabbed Donna’s size small framed bike (mine is a large) and it would not go over the rack arms, there just wasn’t a large enough opening in the frame. Now what?

My first thought was returning to a roof rack, we used to have one that was universal and removable, so I researched the genuine Mini rack first. This has the benefit of being designed for the car. The roof rack base system is a couple hundred dollars, the rack itself is about $150 and you need two of them, so this would cost roughly $500 to out fit the car. I think this is the best way to accomplish this and I an order would already be placed except for the negatives. Firstly, this would be mounted on the car at all times generating wind noise, slightly decreasing gas mileage and getting all covered in bugs. Some of this could be eliminated by removing the bike rack section, leaving the base, but this increases time and trouble when you do want to transport the bikes. Secondly, there is the issue of having to lift the bikes up onto the roof, I am tall enough, but my MTB weighs 35 pounds, and that is a lot of unwieldy to hoist up that far making the chance for a mistake of scratching the car or dropping the bike a consideration.

Option #2 was a trailer hitch mounted rack. This option comes in around $400 if I do the work of installing the $200 trailer hitch. You have to remove the rear bumper which according to folks on the Mini Forums only takes an hour to 1-1/2 which translates into around 4 to 5 hours in real life. The pluses are that you only need to lift the bikes a foot off the ground, it is easy to put on and take off and you have zero chance of shearing everything off the roof when you drive into your garage forgetting about the bikes. The big negative is that the trailer hitch receiver comes out of middle of the bumper and you lose your back up light/rear fog lamp assembly. No one on the forums mentioned anything about whether the car throws a code because of this, I would think with the electrics being on a CANBUS system there might be some issue.

The third possibility is a variation on the roof rack, a pair of Talon suction cup mounts from SeaSucker. This option costs about $500. This is the 21st century version of that original universal and removable rack as it is easy on and off, but the hoisting the bikes up issue still remains, although slightly easier because you get to remove the front wheel. But the removed front wheels now have to be stored inside the car, that is unless you want to spend another $250 for a pair of suctioned wheel mounts again for the roof. Other downsides are the trust issue of just suction cups alone holding your bikes on the roof, the extra care required to keep the car paint clean and unscratched, plus the ease of installation translates into ease of theft…

The fourth, and most radical, option is to just sell the Mini and buy a Jeep so we can get one of those bike racks that fit on the spare tire, but then again that probably wouldn’t fit Donna’s small framed MTB. Though a trailer hitch rack on the Jeep would be perfect. Now I just need to go start a GoFundMe site for that Wrangler…

Sport, Off-Road, Touring

Special Yellow Edition of SORT
As of Monday, March 1, 2021 at 9:00 PM pacific time:

Sport Off-Road Touring
1974 Jaguar XKE Roadster 1979 GMC Jimmy 4×4 2014 Porsche Cayman
Most beautiful car ever made. Twelve cylinders and 4 carburetors…what could go wrong. Be real easy to find this in the woods, even after running through mud holes. I really love this car in blue, but I would not kick a yellow one out of my garage.