Sturgeon’s Law Ninety percent of everything is crap.
Derived from a quote by science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon, who once said, “Sure, 90% of science fiction is crud. That’s because 90% of everything is crud.” Oddly, when Sturgeon’s Law is cited, the final word is almost invariably changed to ‘crap’.
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Just saw a commercial for the new Buick LaCrosse with the background song of Aerosmith’s “Dream On.” Good song, IMHO much better than their more current work, I can only hope that the same is true for Buick. Some how though I can’t imagine that that car will be the car of anyone’s dream.
This is not the first time Buick’s advertising has dipped into the classic rock bag of tricks to try and sell cars. I don’t know how many more Rendezvous they sold because of the pairing of that SUV with Edgar Winter’s “Frankenstein”, but I thought the song was dead (no pun intended) on right for the vehicle. It looked like it was made various parts of other cars and pieced together to form a whole vehicle, but it wasn’t cohesive.
Came via email today. Something with the title of “If Men Designed Xmas Wrapping Paper.” I think it is very festive. Tune in tomorrow to see if my wife makes me take it down. And if she thinks this one is not suitable for internet viewing, she should see the other one. Has that piqued your interest? Leave a comment and I’ll email you a copy of the other one.
In my house it is the job of the man to erect the tree and string the lights. The female is then free to complete the more delicate task of hanging ornaments. For the past ten years or so we have had an artificial tree, so my job consists of putting the 3 pieces together and then carefully fluffing up the 300 compressed tips into something that resembles natural branches.
The fake tree costs less and after 5 years of use, it is free in comparison to the real ones. You don’t have to shop several place to find the right tree because it is always the right size and shape. It is better for the environment, plus you don’t have the sap of innocent trees on your hands. The only downside is no fresh pine scent. This is overcome by hanging, intermingled with the ornaments, a dozen or so of those pine tree car air-fresheners usually hung from rearview mirrors of Camaros.*
Here is a tip that will make your tree lighting chores zip on by. This year it took all of five minutes to hang the lights on my tree. I no longer dance around it in circles as if it were a maypole, trying to get the strings of lights evenly distributed. Thanks go to co-worker, James Stanley, for this brilliant idea. Wrap your tree in those mesh lights designed for your outside shrubbery. For our 7′ tall tree we needed two of those 4′ x 6′ 150 light meshes. Here is a picture of the tree, apologies, as it seems the auto focus doesn’t work too well in the dark. Anyway I think it kinda looks cool in an abstract way.
*Just kidding about the air fresheners, for the past several years my boss’s boss has given everyone in the department a fresh pine wreath. We place ours on the inside of the front door.
From the Sno-Cap, doing just the North Augusta lights and ending up at the party house it takes 30 minutes. And that includes two wrong turns. We then went back to the Sno Cap and headed into the big city of Augusta to do that downtown loop to see if it would be around 15 minutes. It took 30 minutes and that was eliminating a small loop that only had two houses on it. So we have agreed that we will just hang out longer at the Cap and do the sort tour. As Donna said, “When the heck has this group ever left on time anyway.”
I could have sworn I made up a CD full of Christmas music in MP3 form last year, but can’t seem to find it. I guess I’ll have to make another one up. It should be easy as I’ve got 341 Christmas songs taking up 1.2Gig on my hard drive. I usually buy CDs that are a little out there because I can hear all the usual stuff on the radio, so not all of those songs are gems. A A Big Band Christmas nets a couple of keepers, ditto Cajun Christmas and Hillbilly Holiday. On the other hand, on Bummed Out Christmas, Just In Time For Christmas and The Best Of Cool Yule every song is a gem. I can’t really explain having purchased Another Rosie Christmas at all. I’m sure I can get 700 Megs worth to cram on a CD. For in the car listening, that should last me to Christmas.
Last night was the real Light Tour before the Master’s Miata Club’s Holiday Party. On the way over to the meeting place we drove right by one of the houses and, gasp, it wasn’t lit up. Turned out that one other house on the abbreviated tour was dark as well, but neither was an issue because we skipped going by house number one and the second one was right next door to one was blazing in full glory. As with most Club gatherings everyone had a great time chatting and just hanging out. I was worried about time, but didn’t have to be because as I guessed we didn’t get going until well after the appointed start time.
There was plentiful and varied party food stuffs, but as always the highlight of the evening is the gift swap. The poor person who drew number 17, who was seated next to us, had barely finished opening his package before my wife, #18, claimed it from him. She liked the silver painted wire reindeer, the container of cashews included didn’t hurt either. I was #27 and when my turn came I snagged a eclectic Christmas tree looking decoration. I’m sure the poor fellow, who was like #3, was sure he was stuck with the thing. But both Donna and I found it intriguing, so I took it from him. He picked another gift and it worked out well for him, but only for a short time. He unwrapped a really nice clock that looked like a car wheel, I think the next person up took it right out of hands, sending him back under the tree.
Dear Friends,
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem.
The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with STD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing. The 11 lords a-leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation and some people who can’t read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for the 5th of January.
Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want. This year, I suggest you get your behinds down to Wal-Mart before everything is gone.
Love,
Santa.
I got a piece of email at work that was forwarded from someone who always forwards this stuff, so I’m guessing this has been around the world a couple of times already.
——————————————————————
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Which of these five lovelies had a breast implant?
Scroll down for the answer.
Scroll down for the answer.
Who gives a big Rat’s As^!
———————————————–
I’m curious, who sends a picture of nude women in an email, but then substitutes a symbol for the second ‘s’ in the word ass? Were they afraid they would get in some sort of trouble for sending and email with a swear word in it?
Every year the 4 or 5 people in the department gather their funds and jointly purchase a gift for their supervisor. Said supervisor is a car guy, he subscribes to all the magazines and can converse fluently in everything from family sedans to exotics. The past few years his minions have bought him car related items, because there is always something to choose from in their price range. Plus from lunch, break or pre-meeting conversations during the year, a gift idea is sure to present itself.
Since 1998 the supervisor has owned a Miata. Seeing as one of the supervisees also owned a Miata it was easy to gather good gift ideas for Christmas giving. For a little over a year this supervisor has been contemplating what most would consider a move up the sports car ladder and buying a 1998 Porsche Boxster. In spite of his misgivings about the car, it was black, it had a plastic rear window and the cost of repairs, he went ahead and bought the car this last August. The deal was too good to pass up, even though the car is 6 years old, it only has 11,000 miles on it, so for all practical purposes it is new.
Seeing as one of the supervisor’s main concerns was the care and feeding of the plastic window in the convertible top, this year’s group gift idea was born. They would purchase a window protection blanket sold by a dealer of all things Porsche for him to use during extended top down periods and when he puts the hard top on over the winter. The week of Thanksgiving the order was placed and the Friday after Turkey Day the gift was in hand.
The week after Thanksgiving our supervisor is printing out web pages and circling items for his wish list to be distributed to family members. He has printed out the pages from the same place the gift window protector came from, but it is not circled. When questioned why not, his response is he is not too sure it is really needed and if it is, he will just get a cheap piece of felt or something. Uh-oh, should our givers return the protector and rethink this year’s gift? Nah, figuring he is still going to use it if he gets it for free.
The first weekend in December the supervisor puts on the hard top. Monday morning he is explaining to the troops that he watched the back window fold up closely and it folds in such a way that the plastic is not touching itself or anything else when stowed. His concerns about scratching the plastic window are gone. Unfortunately, this causes concerns for our gift givers. Should they return the window protector now and get their money back, although the sum will be reduced by the return postage and restocking fees? Or should they stay the course, because their cause is true and he probably will use the thing because it cost him nothing?
I have a cockpit cover that I use to protect the interior of the car when we leave the top down with boot on for extended periods of time (like during work.) It goes under the wipers in front, straps around the mirrors, a couple of elastic straps in the wheel wells and three tabs under the trunk lid. Works great. The only downside is that it was designed for the earlier cars. The 2001+ Miatas have taller seats, AKA surfboards, and they cause the cover to have to be stretched when it is on. Over the last year that stretching has caused the cover to start to rip near the center tab on the back. John Haff to the rescue. He has an industrial sewing machine and knows how to use it. John sewed the ripping seam and added a gusset for extra strength. While he was at it he made me a bag to keep it in and a fender cover out of the same car cover material he used as a patch/gusset. Thanks John.
Next time this starts to rip I may just go ahead and buy a new one. The Crazy Red Italian has a cover that fit over cars with rollbars, so I know they will fit over the surfboards.
1 — Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2 — Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3 — If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4 — As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5 — Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6 — Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7 — If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8 — Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9 — Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10 — One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
The Legal Department here at mr-miata.net has asked that I clarify my intent in Monday’s post. It was meant as humor, not actual advice. Please consult your physician before making any change in your current dietary habits. Employees of mr-miata.net and their respective agents, affiliates, subsidiary and parent companies, sales representatives, marketing affiliates and partners, distributors, advertising and promotion agencies and members of the immediate families or household of each will not be responsible for any damages personal or public that occur as a result of anyone actually following any of those “tips.” Please enjoy the holidays in moderation in every way.
Need more reasons to take it easy on the foodstuffs? From an Associated Press item in today’s Winston-Salem (NC) Journal: In 1996, the largest St. Nick outfit sold at Santasuits.com was double-X. Today, the company offers a quadruple-X. Another change for the company — most Santas no longer need extra padding to fill out the suit. Read the rest of Holiday pounds overstay welcome.
I have a Sony 10 disc CD changer mounted in the trunk. I placed it off to the left and far enough over that I still had access to the little cubby that is all the way over on that side. It is mounted horizontally with the opening facing into the trunk. I needed to face that way so I could access the disc magazine. It turns out that there is a major disadvantage to this arrangement. The newer Miatas have a relatively flat trunk area and because it is a sports car, turns are usually taken with elan. This combination results in anything that is placed in the trunk sliding around. When everything slides to the right it is stopped by the inside fender well, but when that stuff slides left it gets stopped by the CD changer. It is mounted very sturdily, but the plastic disc magazine door is taking a beating.
It is like most changer doors in that it is a convoluted two-piece sliding thing. A few weeks ago I got tired of popping the small door back onto its tracks, so I got some household cement and glued it in place in the big door. This was great until this past weekend when I went to put my MP3 Christmas CD in. Those doors are in two pieces for a reason and that reason is so that they open wide enough to allow you to get the magazine out. Oops! I had to stretch the big plastic cover out of its tracks to get a big enough opening to change out a disc. Today I must have got a direct hit with a sliding lunch box because the little door came uncemented from the large one and was floating around the trunk. The small door is stuck in the trunk cubby for now.
I can move the changer to vertical so the stuff bounces off the side instead of the face, but then I lose the vertical space above the changer, which in the current full trunk scheme is reserved for the small cooler. This is undesirable option. IIRC mounting it facing the other way left no room to swap magazines. This option requires investigation. I probably shouldn’t just leave the door off because trunk projectiles may damage some important internal mechanism. Another option might be to rig up some sort of hinged or quick releasable partition. Is ditching the changer an going with satellite radio in the future?
Our company subscribes to a spam blocking service. Every morning the first message in the inbox is from the service listing all the spam so I can check to see if any “Real” email got stopped before getting in my inbox. Today was a new record for me in terms of quantity, usually I get around 50–60 bits of spam, but today I had 75 caught in the netting:
| Sender |
Subject |
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| groverbowmanrz@atsvi.at |
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| bsjybxdwaz@duse.net |
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| judyquinones_ip@excite.com |
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| grapefruit@www.reserving-domain-names.net |
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| zzmlbn@world4fun.ch |
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| pigeizaseuhu@yahoo.com |
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| rosalinda_harrigan@wanadoo.fr |
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| grapefruit@emo.com |
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| jmevcbnkbgbe@flashmail.net |
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| pwtvbeny@freemessage.com |
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| isxjrelzbugg@wport.com |
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| abaigael@r67.net |
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| garrett.enriquez_lp@excite.com |
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| ixselj@breakingnews23.info |
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| hhkkhys@borstok.com |
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| adgspqbx@angelfire.com |
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| ubabssl@yahoo.com |
“Your Medicine Wed, 15 Dec 2004 10:28:57 –0…” |
| iggmgrowmv@jschoenberger.com |
“Our best offer to you Wed, 15 Dec 2004 10:…” |
| aepctjtqfw@dreamer.com.tw |
find me by december 13th |
| chcsjjl@fx.ro |
test results-resend by december 16th |
| pleasurefulggx@investmentfreedomclub.com |
“Wed, 15 Dec 2004 10:17:37 –0600″ |
| bazqllqynw@invertxr.com |
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| zhhvsfhfengk@firemail.de |
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| Buddyqlij@charter.net |
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| lnjmsbwkna@jesseventura.org |
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| from@lineone.net |
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| fbbdeknluojug@woodland.net |
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| gjeervegbnt@verizon.com |
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| bernadinefairhl@aol.com |
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| Glen.Tackett@bk.ru |
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| audratowlehden@creationmail.com |
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| bdauduvfh@sympatico.ca |
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| yxcwbebi@xtra.co.nz |
“If you suffer from depression, try valium …” |
| ozapm@rotfl.com |
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| patkendrickew@basket.no |
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| apple@larimaxinstruments.com |
I need the hairdryer back |
Last night I ordered my Christmas present, the Beatles “action” figures. The only shipping option was FedEx ground, because I couldn’t be sure of the delivery day and time I didn’t want it to go to my house because who knows if anyone would be there to meet the driver. Instead I chose to have them shipped to work where someone is always there to sign for a package. Today I got a confirmation email with my FedEx tracking number and an estimated delivery date of December 23rd. Cool, just in time for Christmas. Let’s see, the 23rd is next Thursday…uh-oh.
The plant is going to be closed next Thursday and Friday for the holiday. No one will be there to take delivery. Everyone will be at home, just like me.
AARP survey reveals older Americans support legalizing marijuana (for medical use)
Surprise! Hippies from the Sixties get nostalgic for the good old
days, but with a modern twist. It would be legal to smoke pot and free
too, because Medicare will pay for it. Far out man.
 Ventured into the woods yesterday for a hike and the second monthly photograph looking southwest at the corner of Mr. Fletcher’s Ride and an unnamed path about 1/2 mile in from our usual entry point. A lot less leaves on the trees than just a month ago. It was also a cloudy day compared to last months sunny one, so the leaves on the ground look a different color than in November’s shot.
We are all familiar with the Christmas song, The Twelve Days of Christmas, well, apparently Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon has discovered that there is hidden Catholic meaning in the song. i.e. The “five golden rings” represents the first five books of the Bible, the “six geese a-laying” is the six days of creation, etc.I thought the 12 days song was really about the Miata, but all I could come up with was 2 seats, 4 cylinders, 5 speeds and 7 thousand RPMs. So amateur symbologists, can you help me decode the hidden Miata messages in the song “Twelve Days of Christmas”?
When I posted the above on the Miata Forum I didn’t get exactly what I was hoping for, but I did get one cute one. Thanks Cinemaniac, it isn’t literally correct, but…
On the 12th day of Mazda, my Miata gave to me:
Twelve turns a-twisting
Eleven pipes exhausting
Ten Lanes a Leaping
Nine Ladies Oogling
Eight Mods a Modding
Seven Drifts a Skidding
Six speed transmisson
FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE PISTON RINGS…
Fo-our alloy wheels
Three Drive Belts
Two air horns
And the finger from an S-U-V!
It made it to the middle sixties today. wOOt! It had clouded up by quitting time, but it was still warm enough for a trip home with the top down — no coat required. On the way home I stopped in to Autozone and picked up 4 quarts of Penzoil 10–30. Rotated the tires and changed the oil at 18,813 miles. Grandpa Mazda recommends changing the oil every 7500 miles, but I like to do it halfway between as well. This way the Emperor gets some nice clean blood every three thousand seven hundred fifty miles. I lifted the car up and put it on 4 jack stands, this way after removing the front right tire I can get to the drain plug easy enough. While the oil drains I go ahead and get 3 of the 4 tires rotated. Before putting the right front back on I swap oil filters. Takes about an hour and a half from start to finish.
I think my friends at Rader, they changed the oil last, used the impact wrench on the drain plug, as it was a bear to get off. Because the car was full hot I expected a little resistance in removing the plug, but my usual ice cube trick didn’t seem to help much. Even after melting 2 cubes on the head of the drain plug it still wouldn’t come loose. I had to resort to gently tapping on the end of the wrench with a hammer to get it off. I wonder what the torque spec for the oil drain plug is?
The answer is 22–30 foot pounds
The Beatles arrived today, one day ahead of schedule, so far, only Ringo is out of his box:
Say hello John.
Its Christmas Eve and seeing as I have a traditional holiday greeting reserved for tomorrow, I just go ahead and post a picture of Paul and George together:
Please accept — with no obligation, implied or implicit — my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable tradition of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your preference. In addition, please enjoy a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005.
Unfortunately I have been following my own Holiday Eating Tips pretty strictly. I don’t know if it has translated into that many pounds gained, but I sure feel like I have gained 10 pounds. To make matters worse I have a doctor’s appointment the first week of January where he is going to check to see how my cholesterol is doing. After last September’s dismal blood work, he has had me taking a herbal supplement called red yeast rice to see if that helps. I have been taking one pill a day in hopes of staving off high dollar medication and more importantly, I guess, clogged arteries. If I’m still up I’ll try and see if he’ll give me another three months taking 2 pills. After that I guess I will have to start cutting fat out of the ol’ diet. And heaven forbid, exercising more.
On a totally uneventful trip home from work today the “Emperor” passed through the 19,000 mile mark. That is averaging nearly 1,500 miles a month. The car is dirty and I thought seeing as it was in the 50s this evening I would wash it. Parked in the driveway and looked at the car and it wasn’t as dirty as I thought, so instead of buckets and sponges I though maybe I would give it a Quik Detailer and towel cleaning. When I looked under the cabinet in the garage I realized I was out of the Quik Detailer, so I gave up on the whole thing and pulled the car in the garage. New Year’s Day is supposed to be in the mid 70s. I’ll wait until then and I will be able to wash it in shorts. Maybe even wax it if I get ambitious enough.
My mother-in-law gave me a Target gift card for Christmas. Tonight Donna and I stopped in to see about me spending it. While I shopped for DVDs and CDs she headed over to the 50% off Christmas Stuff Sale. I looked up and down and far and wide, but just couldn’t pull the trigger. I was really looking for HELP! and it wasn’t there. There were plenty of movies I kind of wanted to see, but they just didn’t fall into the buy category. I couldn’t find two CDs I really wanted (needed two to spend most of the value of the card.) I was tempted by a two-disc Norah Jones box, one of her second CD and another of a DVD with a few videos and an interview. In the end I decided to wait and see about maybe heading over to the bigger store in Augusta later this week.
Donna didn’t have any trouble filling her basket with 1/2 off merchandise. As we checked out the total of her stuff came to about 2 bucks less that the gift card value, so guess how we paid? Right, easy come, easy go.…
Trekked to Augusta this evening. First order of business was to run the Master’s Miata Club’s newsletter through the postage meter at Rader. Sorry we didn’t stop and say hello Scott, but we were hungry and the ribs at Tony Roma’s were beckoning. Besides I’m sure you were busy selling cars as Kwanzaa gifts. 
Second order of business was to shop. I am owed $50, thirty-five from a misspent Target gift card plus fifteen bucks for the vig. I am searching high and low looking for the movie Help! with the Beatles. Target — nope. Circuit City — nope. Boder’s — nope. Best Buy — nope. I tried my level best locally, so off to the net I go…
It was in the upper 60’s when we left work and even though the sky had clouded up, it was still warm enough for top down motoring. As the night crept on the cold crept in, it was in the upper 20’s by the time we started for home. The top stayed down, but the windows went up and the heater came on a touch,
I really need help on this whole Help! movie thing as I didn’t realize it is OOP. I wondered when I went to Amazon.com the there was no “Add to Cart” button, can’t buy it new because it is Out Of Print. I can but like new ones that have been imported from overseas for around $20. If I would like a brand new MPI official 1965 copy, they sell for around $200. Yikes. I’m thinking I’ll be waiting around for a re-release.
Took advantage of the warm weather to wash and then wax the car this morning. What kind of wax does Mr. Miata use you are asking yourself. Because if someone who has a blog based on life with his Miata and registered the domain name mr-miata.net he must use a special 7 step waxing regimen using the finest ingredients that money can buy. Well, not really. I finally used up some Mequier’s paste wax in a can I have had for about a decade the last time I did some touch up waxing in September. The other week when I knew I was going to be waxing the car I bought a bottle of some Black Magic Wet Shine Liquid Wax, cost, around eight bucks. Wax is pretty much wax to me. This stuff went on super easy, but a bit more difficult to get off. Plus if you didn’t get a couple of good passes with a clean part of the towel the color of the paint underneath looked streaky and kind of subtly two-toned. Once you got all the wax off, the car really looks good, I would swear it looked more red, less dull maroon, under today’s cloudy sky.
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