On the news­pa­per?!? One day last week when I opened my news­pa­per there was a 3″ x 3″ low tack glossy sticky note announc­ing the newspaper’s new pro­gram about pay­ing your bill online. I thought noth­ing of it until today when there was another on the front of the paper. This one was for a Tobacco Use Pre­ven­tion Pro­gram tout­ing giv­ing up smok­ing for Mother’s day as a gift. OK that is a pub­lic ser­vice announce­ment, but I bet com­mer­cials are def­i­nitely next.

On a quasi-related note, I saw some­thing tonight that Major League Base­ball has agreed to place a dia­mond shaped ad for the movie “Spi­der­man II” on all the bases, plus in the on deck cir­cles, on a cer­tain week­end in June. Not that ads and sport­ing events have never got­ten together before, but this just seems a bit much to me.

Yesterday I had a colonoscopy boys and girls. You don't need to look that up in any medical dictionary, colon + scope, means they were looking at my innards from the inside. The worse part is the prep. If you have had it done, you know what I'm talking about and if you haven't, I don't want to spoil the fun.

Dur­ing the actual pro­ce­dure they sedate you and depend­ing on who you talk to who has had it done, that means any­thing from knocked out to partly aware. When the nurse put the nee­dle full of fuzzy juice into the IV she said to me, “Now think of some­place pleas­ant you would like to be.” I started to decide which place I thought I would like when the next thing I knew I was com­ing to in the recov­ery area. And when I say com­ing to, I really mean just peek­ing my head above the fog.

The next few hours I was in and out. I remem­ber my wife feed­ing me cook­ies and a Diet Dr. Pep­per. My next mem­ory is of being helped out of the wheel­chair into the Miata. There is a brief win­dow into lucid­ity at the CVS where I picked out a book to read. I remem­ber read­ing some of it dur­ing my doc­tor pre­scribed bath. I read a lit­tle more on the couch before putting it down to go take a 2 hour nap. I was “sedated” at around 1:30 and it wasn’t until around 7:30 that con­tin­u­ous mem­ory was regained. When I went in tonight to get the book I kind of fig­ured that I would have to start all over read­ing it again, I did, but I didn’t have far to go, the dog eared page mark­ing where I stopped last night was page num­ber two.

There was a 50% off coupon in today’s paper from Goody’s. I thought goody, I need a new pair of jeans and we were going shop­ping tonight. Uh, oh, it is only good on Sat­ur­day morn­ing from 9AM until 1PM. No prob­lem I can wait. What’s this in the fine print? Good on almost any­thing in the store! Cool. Excludes clear­ance, cos­met­ics, elec­tron­ics, denim, Dock­ers, ath­letic shoes, Goody’s Gift­card pur­chases, Y.E.S. value items, fine jew­elry, fra­grances, tuxe­dos rentals. Shouldn’t that have read “Good on almost noth­ing in the store!”? Into the trash that coupon goes.

If it didn’t, would they have made Tic-Tacs 30% larger?

Our county coro­ner recently passed away sud­denly. She will be replaced in the next gen­eral elec­tion and the signs of the wannabes are pop­ping up all over the place. First: This is an elected office? I know I don’t pay much atten­tion to pol­i­tics, but what kind of power does a Coro­ner have? Sec­ond: Why are there so many peo­ple try­ing to win this posi­tion? The only thing I can fig­ure is there must be some new real­ity TV show about coro­ners that is com­mit­ted to be filmed here with who­ever ends up in the job.