Born Salesman

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big ‘everything under one roof’ department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came to see him. “How many customers bought something from you today?”

The kid says, “One.”

The boss says “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”

The kid says, “$101,237.65.”

The boss says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell him?”

The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK? Is that right?”

The kid answered, “No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot; you should go fishing.’ “

Loser

I’ve mentioned here before that our company plays a little something called Safety Bingo, everyday we go without a lost time accident, a number is “called” & added to the big Bingo board in the main hall.

Up until last Friday we were playing a game entitled Window which consists of having to fill the squares all around the card and then both the middle vertical and horizontal rows so that your card looks like, well, a window. With each square worth $20 the winner of this game will be four hundred and twenty dollars (minus Federal & State Taxes) richer. When B14 was called on Friday we got that winner.

The nurse posted an 8-1/2 x 11 piece of paper over the Bingo board saying “Congratulations. John Doe – Maintenance. Winner.” Somewhere in between the middle of yesterday and the middle of this morning someone hand wrote after the name “– Looser.”

I’m not sure which is worse, someone upset enough at not winning to write that or that they couldn’t even spell the word.

Started up, went down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 292

Why Men Wear Earrings

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The guy knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’

He walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

Aiken’s Labyrinth

We went for a bike ride Saturday morning and although the temperature and humidity were lower than they have been on Sunday, we still could not bring ourselves to go for a walk in Hitchcock Woods, so we took a walk around the horse district yesterday morning. It is not far enough along on the calendar for any of the thoroughbreds to be back in town, so the training track was deserted, but there was some action around a few of the stables.

The midpoint of our trek was Hopeland Gardens and we did a bit of wandering around those beautiful grounds. We made a point of checking out the newest addition to the gardens, a brick octagonal labyrinth. The last time we saw it, admittedly, quite a while ago, it was only 1/3 done, but now it was complete. Donna decided to walk it while I sat on a bench and took a photo or two. She got about halfway through and started to mutter to herself, “I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.” Not long after, she took a shortcut to the center. I suggested we start from the end and work our way out. That was fun for about 3 minutes and we both walked away shaking our heads.

On the way home, we made a detour to a quick stop to buy the Sunday paper and finished up with a little more than 4 miles on our feet. Probably a bit more if you count the steps traveled in our aborted enlightenment journeys.

Started down, went up, still up.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 289

What Is Love?

Sunday nights from 6 PM until whenever, Bravo runs a Law & Order: Criminal Intent mini-marathon and I like to watch the repeats of older shows until 9 PM when USA runs a new episode. The original L & O is still the best (although sometimes their twists at the end stretch credibility), occasionally L & O:SVU leaves me feeling like a voyeuristic pervert, but L & O:CI is a guilty pleasure with Goren, it’s quirky lead detective and Eames his sneaky hot partner poking and prying until they get to the bottom of the crime.

I’m sure because of contractual obligations Bravo only gets to show certain seasons of the show, so nearly all the time I will recognize the episode as one I’ve seen and watch it again anyway. Sometimes I get real lucky and I won’t have seen it for a while, meaning I have forgotten who the killer is, so the show is a real treat. Rarely, I will stumble on an episode I haven’t ever seen at all before. Tonight at 7 o’clock that happened and it was exciting.

At ten minutes after seven my wife came into the living room and asked if she could have the TV, the Olympics were on and there was going to be swimming, diving and gymnastics tonight. I said, “Sure, go ahead.” That my friends is love.

When it turns out they were showing synchronized diving right then I didn’t make her turn it back to L & O:CI. That my friends is true love.

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 288

80,000 Nothings

Tonight was the annual Bug Splat Rally for the MMC. Our slightly early start and the two brief rain showers we ran through on the loop conspired to make bugs scarce. Prize awarding was sketchy at best and as a matter of fact the Cleanest Car and Most Bugs Awards were given out based on pre-rally car conditions.

The rain was obviously my fault as I washed the car this morning to make the Emperor look pretty for tonight’s Club gathering. In mid Bug Splat loop His Highness crossed the Savannah River and crossed the 80K mile mark at about the same time.

Started down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 288

What’s Behind Door Number VQ-1

I really didn’t have anything I wanted to write about tonight. It was a Friday off from work, and besides from some everyday heroics, fixing a toilet & helping a neighbor trim a tree, nothing blogworthy happened. I was going to cop out, scan a picture from the past and use just it as my thousand words. But this comes from one of my stints in a detachment aboard the U.S.S. Midway during my Navy days and needs a little explaining.

All the spaces assigned to the squadrons of the air wing were on the two levels just below the flight deck. Along the passageways there, you passed the doors belonging to the numerous work centers required for the upkeep the aircraft, all painted with the squadron insignia and colors.

Wanting to show our squadron pride we decided to paint our door too. We didn’t have “official” colors, but we did have several spray cans of blue paint laying around that we used to identify our tie down chains. Someone scrounged a can of yellow from another squadron and we were in business. We taped up 1″ metal letter stencils of all our work centers, airframe, hydraulics, avionics, etc. and pretty soon we looked just like the rest of the air wing. Almost. While all the other squadrons had a different space for each different work center, all of ours were behind this one door. Look inside!

Started up, went down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/08: 286