A Different Twist on Retirement

Came via email (and I edited it a lit­tle):
Recently I was check­ing my 401k account and think­ing about retire­ment, I saw an arti­cle about nurs­ing homes, care facil­i­ties and retire­ment homes and ALL the expenses. Then it hit me. No nurs­ing home for me! Here is my plan: I’m check­ing into A Hol­i­day Inn. WHY?

With the aver­age cost for a nurs­ing home reach­ing $188 per day, there is a bet­ter way when we get old and fee­ble. I have already checked on reser­va­tions at the Hol­i­day Inn. For a com­bined long-term stay dis­count and senior dis­count, it’s $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for break­fast, lunch, din­ner in any restau­rant I want, or room ser­vice. It also will leave enough for laun­dry, gra­tu­ities, and spe­cial TV movies.

Plus, I’ll get a swim­ming pool, a work­out room, a lounge, and washer and dryer. I’ll also get free tooth­paste, razors, sham­poo and soap. And I’ll be treated like a cus­tomer, not a patient.

Five dol­lars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scram­bling. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The hand­i­cap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the church bus free on Sun­days. For a change of scenery, take the air­port shut­tle bus and eat at one of the nice restau­rants there. While you’re at the air­port, fly some­where. Mean­while, the cash keeps build­ing up. It takes months to get into decent nurs­ing homes. On the other hand, Hol­i­day Inn will take your reser­va­tion today. And you are not stuck in one place for­ever — you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Hol­i­day Inn there, too. TV bro­ken? Light bulbs need chang­ing? Need a mat­tress replaced? No prob­lem. They fix every­thing and apol­o­gize for the inconvenience.

The Hol­i­day Inn has a night secu­rity per­son and daily room ser­vice. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the under­taker or an ambu­lance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip & Hol­i­day Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And no wor­ries about vis­its from fam­ily. They will always be glad to visit you & prob­a­bly check in for a mini-vacation.

Most stan­dard rooms have cof­fee mak­ers, reclin­ing chairs, and satel­lite TV — all you need to enjoy a cozy after­noon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your chil­dren (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restau­rant where you meet new and exotic peo­ple every day. Many Hol­i­day Inns even fea­ture live enter­tain­ment on the week­ends. Often they have spe­cial offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free pro­gram. You can invite your grand­kids over after school to have a free din­ner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.

NO elec­tric bills, no water & sewer bills, No Cable TV bills, No Trash bills in fact some one each days comes and emp­ties ALL your waste bas­kets, does the beds… straight­ens up the liv­ing room, bath room, kitchen and bed room along with mak­ing up the beds. There is no charge for a daily news­pa­per or for 24 hour secu­rity and SEVEN day a week maid ser­vice. Meals are from a REAL menu and there is 24 hour cof­fee shops, guests ser­vices, busi­ness room with Fax, copier and the like. Uh, did I men­tion most now offer FREE inter­net. Free tow­els at the Pool, Jacuzzi, spa and work­out facilities.

Those of you wor­ried about sav­ings… for­get about a hor­ren­dous Main­te­nance bill that looks like what rent use to be. Save your money when it comes to prop­erty taxes, school taxes, lawn care, house up-keep as in gar­den­ing and land­scap­ing. Park­ing is FREE and secure and con­ve­nient espe­cially if you are hand­i­capped and are a LONG term res­i­dent cus­tomer. You can greet guests in the Lobby, read­ing area, party or func­tion rooms and later take them out to eat with­out Going Back Out. Valet park­ing makes every­one feel spe­cial and on vaca­tion. Every­one there greets you with a smile and by name within one week of stay­ing there. You feel wel­comed and that you belong to a Team and one of the staff. Every­one ALWAYS treats you with dig­nity and respect you will NEVER see at an institution.

Pick a Hol­i­day Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you com­pany as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skit­tish about unfa­mil­iar sur­round­ings, you’ll always feel at home because wher­ever you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you’re get­ting a lit­tle absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not find­ing your room — your elec­tronic key fits only one door and the help­ful bell­man or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

Being nat­ural skep­tics, we called a Hol­i­day Inn to check out this idea of my plan. I’m happy to report that they were pos­i­tively giddy at the idea of us check­ing in for a year or more. They even offered to nego­ti­ate the rate to $35 a night !

If you have spe­cial med­ical needs, just like if you were home… the nurses can visit you daily at the Hol­i­day Inn, so can the podi­a­trist, the per­sonal aid and assis­tant and even the PT ther­a­pist. On an extended stay for months, you can per­son­al­ize your quar­ters with your own books, pic­tures and decorations.

Dial ZERO and you have a live voice only a few steps away that can respond to a request or offer assis­tance. The more I think about this and the thou­sands that can be saved and invested… why in two years you could be liv­ing FREE with a sim­ple invest­ment in Tax Free muni’s where the prin­ci­ple is never touched… You could have a 6 digit estate to hand down to your chil­dren in less than 10 years.

Now THAT is called LIVING… Seen any of the dozen Hawai­ian Hol­i­day Inns.. You would think you are in Heaven…