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Almost One Tenth As Old As America

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Almost One Tenth As Old As America

Whatever

Ruin Sorbees

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I received this joke at work via email and it had the following preface: This has been nominated for best email of 2005. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.

The bit about “best email of 2005” got me thinking, sounded to chain letterish to me. Enter “Ruin sorbees” in Google and got 1,320 hits, all referring to this joke. Some postings were dated in 1999 and one even mentions this making the rounds in 1997… The joke is pretty much word for word (if that is what you could call them), but the lead-ins differ slightly. Each one references it being published in the Far Eastern Economic Review, but search there for the same term gives zero results. A check of my usual myth-busting sites has no mention of this at all. I suspect it may be even older than that because it seems a little too unpolitically correct even for 1997. Anyway here you go…

(To get the full effect, this should be read aloud.)
Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin sorbees.
Guest (G): Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.

RS: Rye. Ruin sorbees. Morny! Jewish to odor sunteen?
G: Uh, yes, I’d like some bacon and eggs.

RS: Ow july den?
G: What?

RS: Ow july den – fry, boy, pooch?
G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like ’em? Scrambled please.

RS: Ow july dee baychem – crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.

RS: Hokay. An san toes?
G: What?

RS: San toes. July san toes?
G: I don’t think so.

RS: No? Judo one toes?
G: I feel really bad about this,but I don’t know what ‘judo one toes’ means.

RS: Toes! Toes! Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we boter?
G: English muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

RS: We boter?
G: No, just put the boter on the side.

RS: Wad?
G: I mean butter – just put it on the side.

RS: Copy?
G: Sorry?

RS: Copy…tea…mill?
G: Yes. Coffee please, and that’s all.

RS: One minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we boter and honey sigh, and copy…rye??
G: Whatever you say.

RS: Tend jew berry mud.
G: You’re welcome.

Tagged: Jokes, Whatever

Whatever.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Free to a good home, one MGW Gripper Shift Knob painted Garnet Red. I’ll even toss in the extra gripper ring because it might be easier to surgically remove the current one, than try and pry it off. Paypal me $3 for postage and I’ll priority mail right to your home.

Vacuumed the car and then removed the week’s accumulated dirty using some Quik Detailer because this afternoon was the MMC’s showing at the Sno-Cap Drive-In’s 41st anniversary.

Yellow Sandwich

That and this week’s photo meme pictures came from the party. Through the magic that is MT’s editable Authored On data field, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday’s pictures were posted before the event.

I found someone to make my Calvin & Hobbes sticker and he mailed it late last week. Not here yet. I hope that they didn’t take a detour in time on their way here and were eaten by a T-rex.

Birthday present update: Window tinting is off the list, just doesn’t make sense for me. Rear lip spoiler is fading fast. Current front runner is a mild computer upgrade. This Dell was purchased in March of 2003 and while it 2.53Ghz processor is plenty strong enough for what I use it for, I’m thinking bumping the RAM from 512M to 1024M and getting a faster and bigger hard drive might be a nice thing. Hey, afterall I spend more time in the seat in front of the PC than I do in the driver’s seat of the Miata.

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/05: 285
Tagged: Calvin & Hobbes, Whatever

Dumb Donald Was So Dumb

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Everyone else in unison: “HOW DUMB IS HE?!?!?”
Dumb Donald is SO dumb, that when he went on his honeymoon, he forgot his blank…

Earlier this week I marveled at the sheer lunacy that is MXC. Well here is an American show that has the same sort of absurdity, just without the stunts, Match Game Seventy Whatever. It could almost be Japanese. GSN is running episodes of this program and it is so weird, the clothing, the celebrities, even the double entendres that were probably risque then are unintentionally humorous now.

Good thing I can only watch these shows when I stumble on them, if I had a Tivo, I’d never make it to the computer…

Started down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/05: 277
Tagged: Whatever

Trickle Down

Monday, July 11, 2005

I haven’t blogged about spam in a while and mainly because for whatever reason, my work email address is not getting the quantities of it it once was. I took Friday off so this morning I had 4 Spam Quarantine Summaries to look through and the highest total was 30. Friday’s was 18 and the average was a pitiful 24. Are they tiring of sending me email because I never answer or is it they have moved on to some other poor schmoe in another cubicle in another company? Pickings are slim for the best come-on, but in amongst the usual free gift cards, laptops and ipods, this one stood out:

smtp@somespecial.com promises me Complimentary Year Supply of Oreos

Tagged: Spam, Whatever

The Emperor Gets A Pedicure

Sunday, July 3, 2005

Well today was the day for the long delayed brake caliper painting. In preparation, yesterday I had bought a pint can of “Colonial Red” paint and some cheap small paint brushes at home store L. Pulled all the wheels off, including carefully backing off my defective stud/lug nut combo, and proceeded to clean all the calipers using brake cleaner and one of those small brushes. Opened the can and started painting the left rear caliper. Boy this looks a lot less maroon than the label led me to believe, maybe it will darken up when it dries. Painted the right rear. Then the two fronts, but unlike last time I didn’t paint the brackets, just did the calipers. Went back to check on the left rear, the first caliper painted to see if it looked any maroonish. Nope, the paint had darkened a bit, but it just looked like I had painted it red and it got dirty.

I finished my 1st coat at around 11:00AM and decided that the color was just too red, so I figured I would go out to the home store HD and get something more maroon for the second coat. Trouble is I live in the Bible Belt and we still have blue laws around here, the stores do not open on Sunday’s until 1:30PM. Seeing as I now had a couple of hours to kill I thought that it would be a good opportunity to clean up the interior a bit. Over on the Miata.net forum someone had recommended using Mr. Clean Magic Eraser on dirt and those tough scuff marks. And what do you know it works pretty good, so I cleaned up all the tan plastic of the interior. Didn’t do any of the black because the Magic Eraser is just like a pencil eraser, it leaves behind dust. Even though I wiped behind my erasing with a damp cloth I didn’t want to get white fuzz or whatever on the dash.

With still more time to waste I went ahead and cleaned the leather seats, then followed that with a good conditioning. It really needed it, the seats weren’t too dirty, but after last week’s unexpected rain soaking they really did need the conditioning.

Cleaned myself up and went in for lunch. When the sandwich was finished the clock read 1:20, perfect, by the time we pile in the MSV and get to HD, it will be open. This time I got a can of “Claret Wine” and although the shade shown on the label was just like the one for “Colonial Red” I figured with that name it should be perfect. When we left the store the rumble of thunder could be heard off in the distance. Good thing I had put the top up on the Miata. Even though it was under an awning at home that wouldn’t keep it totally dry. By the time we got home it hadn’t started to rain there yet, so I quick like a bunny painted the second coat on the calipers. The color was better, but not really close enough to the car color for my perfectionist ways. Not two minutes after I finished painting the rains came, so I had plenty of time to sit in the garage and look at the car and contemplate my options.

Donna had a great idea, she said why not use those three little bottles of touch-up paint that you got for free from Mazda. Would have been great, but the paint I have been using is latex and the touch up paint is oil-based and would probably eat the the other stuff off and make an icky mess. For now I am going to just live with the mismatch, in the future I may look for something more maroon, but for now “Claret Wine” will have to do.

When I went to put the back brakes back together, I couldn’t get the caliper back over the reinstalled brake pads. Dang, usually it is a tight squeeze, but this is way too much interference. That’s when it hit me, when I cleaned the interior I had pulled up the ebrake handle to get underneath it clean. Activating the ebrake expands both back calipers. Dang. Slight set back, but not insurmountable. I put the rear pad in and lower the caliper into position, then using a big screwdriver pry on the front claws of the caliper and it squeezes the piston back. Side one went easy, but on side two I slipped with the screwdriver and scraped a big spot of the new paint right off. Double dang. No problem, we’ll just get the paint can back out and touch it up. That worked just fine, no one will be the wiser that I had to do a repaint of that spot.

It didn’t go smoothly though, continuing what started at breakfast, this small job didn’t go right or easy either. As I dodged the tire sitting to the right of the car I stumbled with the open can of paint and splashed about a quarter of it on the driveway. Thankfully, continuing what started at breakfast, it was not a major snafu, the paint didn’t get on anything but the ground.

For the rest of the night I will be in the living room reading a book and watching the rebroadcast of today’s stage of the Tour de France on OLN. Hopefully I won’t fall off the couch or anything.

Started down, went up, still up.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/05: 208
Tagged: Miata Mods, Whatever

24,000 Kalmias

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Donna and I went for a nice little walk in Hitchcock Woods this morning. At first we weren’t going because it was supposed to rain, but radar showed no chance of it for a while, so off we went. For a change of pace we went in a diffrent entrance than usual and we were glad we did. As we came to a halt the odometer turned 24000 miles.

There is a subdivision in town called Kalmia Hills and there is a path in the woods called Kalmia Trail, but for whatever reason (mostly I don’t know flowers from flours) I never put two and two together until today, the darn things are blooming all over the place. I know we have traversed that trail before, but never in the middle of May…

Kalmia

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/05: 149
Tagged: Miata Mileage, Whatever

Whatever Happened To The Goo Goo Dolls?

Wednesday, May 4, 2005

This morning when we turned on the TV to check the Weather Channel, to see how we should dress for the day, it wasn’t there. TNT was on channel 19. Eek!

A memory breaks through the fog, the cable company had included a flyer in the last bill telling that they were shuffling a few channels around, that’s it. Now where did it move to? I surfed the dial once, twice and three times but it was no where to be found. Odds were slim that it was on commercial all three passes.

Then another synapse fires and I manually punch in a 1 and a 4 – there it is. Fourteen used to be the scrabbled HBO channel so I had programmed the TV to skip it when surfing. That reminds me, I should go add that channel back in while I’m thinking of it. BRB

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/05: 137
Tagged: Whatever
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sturgeon’s law

"Ninety Percent Of Everything Is Crap"
Derived from a quote by science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon, who once said, "Sure, 90% of science fiction is crud. That's because 90% of everything is crud." Oddly, when Sturgeon's Law is cited, the final word is almost invariably changed to 'crap'.

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1) You will never find a more wretched hive of scu 1) You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. 2) Who is this guy? I don't remember him at all. Maybe the puzzle's artist?

#moseisley #cantina #starwars #jigsaw #jigsawpuzzle #jigsawpuzzlesofinstagram #jigsawpuzzleanonymous

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