I usually set these up so that they are published on the first day of the even numbered months, but I missed this time because I was so busy doing nothing, that I forgot or as the medical professionals call it, “A senior moment.”

Earn Your Stripes

– Andy Schank

Let’s face it. There are not many cars in production today that can wear big fat racing stripes without looking foolish. The Miata just happens to be one of the exceptions. Intelligently designed stripes make the car look longer, lower, and wider, and accentuate fine details such as the power bulge in the hood and the tapering, sharklike mouth.

Most of the racing stripes I’ve seen on the Miata look pretty good. Still, in my opinion the best design by far is the factory stripe that was available with the R-Model; those flared-out contrasting bands that taper at the ends and flare to embrace the cockpit. No surprise that these stripes came out so well, since they were designed by Irvine’s own Mark Jordan, one of the original Miata stylists and lead designer of the slinky MX6.

Though relatively few dealers know it, the R-Model stripe kit is still available as a factory part. Our local parts guy was so befuddled by the concept, however, that we finally asked Moss Motors to find one for us, which they did. Officially this package is called the “Miata Competition Graphics Kit,” and the cost is about $250. It’s made of the same fairly thick Mylar that you find in race-car graphics, and once it’s installed properly you can pretty much call it permanent. It won’t wash or peel off without a tremendous amount of effort.

The kit comes in two separate tubes, one for the front and one for the rear. Individual pieces aren’t available, however: In other words, don’t screw up the installation. Mazda’s instructions spell out point blank that the kit comes out best when “…installed by a professional experienced with graphics.” Well, I have some experience putting on race decals and plenty with paint and masking tape. How hard could it be?

Live and learn, right?

1) It’s very important that the car and graphics both be between 60 and 80 degrees for the stripes to go on properly. Once you’ve got that set up, the first step is to thoroughly wash and dry the car, then degrease its upper surfaces with rubbing alcohol. Once that’s done, lay the stripes on the body to double-check their fit.

2) Starting at the rear, put a few pieces of one-inch masking tape down as a template for your stripes. You want the outside edge of tape to be almost, but not quite, in the location of the inside edge of the stripes. Keep monkeying with this step until you’ve really got it right; once you’re actually laying down the stripes you won’t be able to get far enough away to check them as you go.

3) Wet down the immediate area to be striped. The factory recommends using soapy water, but I’ve actually had better luck with a slightly diluted solution of a window cleaner such as Windex. The purpose here is to give the glue behind the Mylar a little time to slip and slide around before it locks itself down tight. This helps you get the stripe into position and to work out the inevitable air bubbles and wrinkles that show up under the plastic.

4) Carefully pull back part of the rear cover sheet (which is really stuck on there), lay the stripe into place, and start working it onto the surface with a high-quality squeegee. The easiest way to goof this job up is to have the graphic’s sticky side touch itself, so be careful! If that happens you’re sunk.

When one stripe is correctly in place and no longer mobile, repeat the process with the adjacent stripe. (There are two pieces of stripe per sheet, and small cutouts in the backing paper assist you in placing them correctly. It’s an unusually clever kit in this regard, probably a reflection of its original role as a dealer-installed option.) Now work a squeegee over the stripes from the center to the nearest edge, pulling bubbles out as you go and being careful not to catch any seams or folds. A towel can be used toward the end of the process to wipe away any excess liquid; whatever might still be trapped under the stripes will eventually just evaporate.

5) Now pull off the front cover sheets, which are there to prevent the Mylar from stretching before it’s been put into place. The stripe will probably want to pull up at the edges while you do this, so hold it down carefully with your squeegee; this is not as easy as it looks! Once the upper sheet has been removed, go back in with your squeegee and work out the more egregious remaining bubbles. Small bubbles and imperfections will disappear on their own.

A couple of small corners continue the stripe onto the rear quarters to complete the back half of the package, and these ones are relatively easy. Another set of small pieces is included in case you’re using the OE spoiler.

6) Now for the front monster. Here the kit includes two huge pieces for the hood and two small corners for the lips that reach across the fenders. There are also six other pieces which go around the compound curves of the bumper. Since our project had a recently installed Racing Beat Type 2 bumper, I carefully double-checked the fit of the stripes. They were fine except at the very bottom, where some of the unused rear-spoiler pieces had to be used to fill in the wider lip.

7) Again using masking tape for a guide, follow the same techniques you used in the back. The front cover sheets are particularly hard to remove, and if they get too wet they’ll start to disintegrate and leave little flecks all over the stripes. (You can peel off most of these shreds with tweezers, but it’s a task that’s best avoided.) Lining up the longer front stripes is also harder than the rears, and
working out the bubbles more of a challenge. Not only are they larger, the contours of the hood seem to lead to lots of wrinkles and bubbles. The pieces that fit around the curved bumper are a particular pain, and warming the stripe with a blow-dryer may be necessary to make it all fit. Even so, if you’re patient and placid you’ll wind up with decent results. Rush it or get frustrated and you’ll probably just ruin your $250 stripes.

This installation was no picnic, but the effect of the white stripes on our blood-red project car was absolutely striking. Everyone who saw the car loved it. This kit is not for the person who wants to go unnoticed. The job took me over three hours start to finish, but the resulting fanfare was worth it. Mazda’s pearl-white stripe will look excellent on any red, blue, or black Miata, and maybe even BRG.

One more thing: A few hours after the job, you might see some funky bumps and bubbles growing under the stripes. Don’t freak out: New Mylar stripes often get “poison oak” due to moisture trapped in the glue. After a few days this all evaporates and the stripes will return to normal. (I wish they’d mentioned this in the instructions, incidentally. I only learned the hard way…!)

The other post-install tweak is to go back a full week later with a fine needle and squeegee to pop and smooth any remaining bubbles. (Most of these will disappear on their own, so popping them right away is unwise.) After that, well, enjoy all the stares!

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Presidential Address

– Vince Tidwell

Here’s a new theory I’ve come up with that I call the Rule of Three: If more than three things are wrong with your Miata and you don’t fix them, you will, within the span of six months, become so disenchanted and annoyed by your car that you might even consider getting rid of it.

Yikes!

I came to this conclusion after decades of laziness and automotive frustration. From the age of 25, I’ve had the pleasure of keeping the number of cars I’ve owned equal to the number of years I’ve lived. In reviewing the cars I’m glad I’m rid of, my disenchantment was rarely due to some design flaw. Instead, it was the result of some mechanical failure some mechanical failure which broke the relationship up. In the end, of course, that meant I was to blame, seeing as to how I was the caretaker in question; in essence, I had let the machine down. A deeper thinker might even say I was as disgusted with my own inaction as I was with the cars themselves.

When something acts up on your Miata, it’s performing less than expected. Seeing that happen over and over again only serves to accentuate the problem, for each time you experience it your negative emotions are reinforced. At some point the discontent will even begin to affect your whole attitude toward the car. You might even find yourself taking one of your OTM (Other Than Miata) cars on a short jaunt. These are warning signs not to be ignored.

As my ’90 Miata ages and I occasionally jump in a ’99, the items I need to pay attention to on my older car come right into focus. It’s amazing what we allow ourselves to become accustomed to. A rear window that’s a bit foggy, a door pull that’s gotten loose, that nick in the paint, a floormat that’s past its useful life—they all sort of fade into the background. However, they do add up to diminish the quality of your Miata experience.

I implore you to set aside some time to either fix or have fixed all these niggling problems right now. You only get so many Miata hours a week, so why spend them driving around with problems? One item can be overlooked; two you can usually work around; but when the list grows to three, it is time to “restore” your car. There is nothing on these machines that can’t be fixed, and parts are cheap.

Here’s the argument: If you let your car go so far that you’re in danger of falling out of love with it, you’ll end up selling it. Before you do that, of course, you’ll repair any obvious flaws or defects to get the most money from the next guy. So the new owner gets to enjoy all those new parts, while you were always annoyed with your car because it needed new parts. How kind of you: You’ve just treated the next guy to something you wouldn’t do for yourself!

Wouldn’t it make more sense to accept that you’ll have to do some work anyway, then enjoy the fruits of those labors yourself? It’s a false economy to do anything else.

If you really do get in a pinch, calculate the sales tax alone on a new Miata. Dollars to donuts, that figure alone would fix up your current car nicely. I’m certainly not dismissing the attraction of a brand-new MX5, but you should be moving up for the right reasons—not because you’ve neglected your current car. If that’s the case then your new one will start to look ratty soon enough anyway. Get in the habit of keeping those maintenance accounts short, and you won’t fall into this vicious cycle.

“Physician, heal thyself” is what I’ll be hearing from any of you that have seen the Club’s ’94 Laguna Blue at our Tech Sessions. We’ve had a small tear in the leather driver’s seat for two years now—a tear that even started happening while the car warranty and the fix was free for the asking. Fortunately, that’s the only flaw the car has, besides a few nicks and scratches and some squeaky antiroll-bar bushings.

Uh, oh—that’s three! Guess I need to get out to the shop one of these days….

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There was an article in this issue with the title of “A Boy and His Dog” and after my reminder of the 1975 movie of that name a couple weeks ago, I briefly considered using it here, but it was too long and oddly formatted as to make it more of a hassle OCRing of it. Plus I found this one a little more interesting.

A Vroom Of One’s Own

The Name Game
by Barbara Feinman

“What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

When Shakespeare penned those words to come out of Juliet’s mouth, he was making the point that the feud between her own family and that of her star-crossed lover was based on something as meaningless and arbitrary as a name. Well, maybe a rose would indeed smell as sweet if you called it anything else, but when it comes to naming automobiles the pros aren’t so sure: By any other name, that which we call a Miata just might not seem so appealing. Joe Grady is a linguistics professor who also acts as a consultant for a California-based company that names products, including new cars. Joe has been part of various creative teams that have named everything from pharmaceuticals to clothes, household goods, and computer stuff, including the team that came up with the car-name Alero.

The way his particular company works is that about a dozen people are put on a creative team to name a particular product. They do this through a series of meetings with each other, with the client and by sending e-mails and faxes back and forth. After the team comes up with a selection of likely possibilities, the client then tests them out on potential buyers.

I asked Joe about the creative process of coming up with new names. Was there was a formula and a set of guidelines, or was it just a bunch of people clamoring in a room? “First of all,” he explained, “a great new name that will be memorable to people isn’t going to be generated by rules.” But then he paused to think. “On the other hand, it’s not a totally random process. The process has to combine open-endedness with considerations about the personality of the car, the market that’s targeted, the company’s brand identity, and the style of the carmaker.”

I’ve always liked the way that Miata rolls off the tongue—so much so that a friend once pointed out that whenever referring to my own roadster I never called it “my car,” but always “my Miata.” So the next logical question for Joe (or maybe it was a test) was whether he thought Miata was an effective moniker. “I think it’s a good name for a few different reasons,” he confirmed. “First, it sounds Italian. Everybody associates a sports-car tradition with Italy, so that’s valuable to link up with.”

But while it may sound Italian, I pointed out, miata is actually Old High German for
reward. Joe nodded at this and replied, “Well, it’s also a very pronounceable word, so a lot of people who speak different languages would be comfortable with it. For instance miata also fits well with the Japanese language, since both Japanese and Italian like syllables to end in vowels. All three syllables of miata do, so it sounds natural in both places.”

Then Joe began speaking more rapidly—more professorially—as his ideas jelled. “Miata also conveys the idea of quickness and smallness. It fits the car because it’s a short name, all the syllables short and quick…. And the M sound suggests smoothness, softness, and energy. I’m basing this on actual research on sound symbolism, by the way; M strikes people in all those ways.

“With a car like the Miata you’d be thinking what are the key messages you want to communicate: It might be speed, freedom, fun. You’re going to use these ideas as a launching pad to come up with a name. Whether it’s a Miata or a family SUV, every carmaker has an idea of the personality of the car and who it’s intended for. You’re going to use those as your inspiration and filter.”

The backside to this issue are the many literal meanings that may already be associated with a supposedly meaningless name. In the case of Miata—as with nearly all wholly made-up product names—the word came first, a meaningless series of sounds chosen simply for its pleasant ring and sporty connotations. Only after some research did Mazda learn miata was also a word in an old, obscure German dialect—conveniently a positive one.

In other cases, that research doesn’t prove as fortunate. Pontiac’s Firebird was originally to be called Banshee, but some last-minute research showed the literal definition of banshee to be “a mythical female spirit whose wailing foretells an impending death in the family.” They figured maybe Firebird was safer…

 

The song Vince is alluding to is called “Wear Sunscreen”. Is an essay written as a hypothetical commencement speech by columnist Mary Schmich, originally published in June 1997 in the Chicago Tribune. It became the basis for a successful spoken word song released in 1997 by Baz Luhrmann, “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”, also known as “The Sunscreen Song“.

Presidential Address

– Vince Tidwell

There is a current pop song in which the narrator (he doesn’t really sing) gives words of advice with a measure of humility. I understand they originated from an elder’s university commencement address, but it doesn’t really matter. I’ve spent the last 30 of my 42 years learning about all things automotive and, like the narrator, I have to say the following advice is just the interpretation of one person from my generation:

• Use sunscreen when your top is down, and use ear-plugs at speeds that make you raise your voice. You’ll need your hearing as you grow old to enjoy classical music and good conversation over a bottle of wine.
• Ignore all the magazines, pundits and self-appointed experts. You don’t need anyone’s approval.
• Keep most of your opinions to yourself; only share them with people close to you who have accepted you for who you are, not what you can do for them.
• Take a romantic trip with your beloved often. Tell him or her what you enjoy and find difficult about your relationship. They deserve to hear both.
• Eat at the counter when you can. The service will be faster, the food hotter, the conversation livelier.
• Drive many different types of cars. Trade your Miata for your neighbor’s Z3 or Mustang for a day. You’ll appreciate your neighbor’s a bit more, and your neighbor will buy a Miata.
• Remember fondly the days when you drooled over brochures. Anticipation is almost always more fun than the real thing. How else could companies market sports cars that never sport, off-roaders that never off-road, and touring cars that seldom tour?
• DRIVE!
• Do not store or save your Miata for any reason. It will be someone else’s some day, then it will be recycled. History is full of futile temples of worship; the only true value you receive from an object is in its use, not its ownership.
• Life should be filled with experiences, not excuses.
• Borrow someone else’s Ferrari, never buy one. If you must buy one, make the money before you spend it.
• Nothing very good or very bad lasts very long.
• Take children and older people for a spin with the top down. It’s the closest thing to remembering your first convertible ride.
• Maintain your Miata, but don’t worry about it. It’s as reliable as any car.
• If you have a concern, check it out. Worry is a poor substitute for action.
• If you modify your Miata. it will not be as it was. In some measure, it will always be less than it was.
• Take as many drives with your friends. A fulfilled life isn’t possible without them.
• Modifying your Miata will make it more personal. You decide the balance between personal and perfect.
• Make new friends often, but treasure those special few from your past—theirs is unconditional love.
• Change your Miata’s oil sometime between 3000 miles and 5000 miles, depending on how hard you usually drive.
• You usually don’t drive as hard as you think.
• If you race every other weekend, you drive hard.
• Change all fluids every two years and apply dielectric grease to all the low-voltage connectors whenever reconnecting them.
• Strive to keep your car in great shape, but use it up. Then sell it and buy a new one. Life is short, and new experiences are as fleeting as that new-car smell.
• Be wary of committee-designed automobiles: They do nothing for the soul.
• Always own a convertible sports car with earplugs and sunscreen in the center console.

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When we purchased our first Miata in 1989 I was just in my infancy of becoming a “Car Guy.” When the OEM tires on that Smurf Blue car needed replacing I really didn’t know what to buy. One of the first ads (maybe even the inside cover) in the early Miata Magazines were for a Dunlop D40 tire that came in the stock size of 185/60 x R14. So that is what I bought, and after reading this I now know the person responsible.

Member Spotlight

Dunlop Dave Shelton

How does Dave Shelton know so much? Because he’s not just a dinner speaker, he’s also a member.

David Shelton didn’t become “Dunlop Dave” until coming to an MCA event nine years ago. “When I first came to Dunlop we’d gotten a letter from Barbara Beach trying to get us involved with the magazine,” Shelton recalls. “I said to Woody Arnold, our VP of marketing at the time, ‘This club is in its infancy. Let’s be the one tire company in there.’ So we took an ad.”

“Well, you know Barbara’s level of enthusiasm; the next thing I knew she was inviting me to an event! I went, and it just felt good—I felt good with the people, they felt good with us. The Miata folks seemed like they were really thirsting for knowledge, thirsting for fun, so I just kept coming back. I don’t exactly when it was that she finally introduced me as ‘Dunlop Dave,’ but once she did, it stuck.”

That it did. Mentioning “David Shelton, Performance-T1re Marketing Manager” to the average Miata fan gets you a polite look of interest. Mentioning “Dunlop Dave” starts stories and memories flowing. In nearly a decade of MCA events, Dunlop Dave has probably taught more Miata owners to drive, given them more tech briefings, and helped more of them get the most from their roadsters than any other person.

Shelton brings a long history of testing, teaching, and performance driving to these events. “Two decades ago I got out of college with a BBA in accounting. Then one day I looked at it and said, ‘Wait a minute—I don’t want to sit behind a desk all my life.”

“So even though I’d just taken a job putting together a wholesale parts system for a megadealer, I wound up building racecars for him instead. After that I joined the National Academy for Police Driving— now it’s ‘Professional Driving’—and did driving schools and product launches for another 13 years. Essentially, we taught people to be at one with their cars—how to enjoy them and drive more efficiently. I worked with the RX7 club, the Corvette club, the Porsche club, some vintage-racing organizations, Audi, Chevrolet, Mercedes-Benz, the Z-Car club…just about everybody.”

“Then, after moving to Dunlop a decade ago, I continued to have the privilege of playing around with enthusiast-based car and light-truck clubs. And out of all of that, the Miata Club seems to have the people and the car that I feel most akin to.”

“I can drive the Porsches and the RX7s, but the people and the Miata are truly fun. I just enjoy being around ’em.”

“Plus, this is really the first time since I got out of college that I’ve had a car that’s just for me. As you go through the family thing you need a passenger car for one thing, a pickup for this, a van for that. Now that my daughter’s off in college I have a chance to reclaim some of the fun I had with sports cars when I was growing up.”

But while that’s all well and good, don’t most professional performance drivers buy that 911 or Ferrari when they finally come of age? “Well, when I was young it was neat to lean across the fender and have to gap the points and clean the carburetors and all that. But you know what’s really nice about the Miata? You just stick the key in and it goes. You flog the heck out of it, and it’s still smiling at the end. It does everything you want, and then you just wash it. It’s like getting the pleasure without the pain.

“I bought a black ’94 with tan leather and all the deluxe stuff. The old owner lived in Dallas and got transferred to Chicago. He didn’t want to take the car, so I bought it and took it back to Buffalo NY to be my everyday driver.”

How’s that worked out? “Actually, it’s been great. The Torsen diff is fabulous in the winter. I can do things in the Miata that four-wheel-drive owners wouldn’t attempt.”

“I also learned that you should read the Magazine, particularly that part about not touching the plastic rear window when it’s two degrees outside. Other than that it’s simply been wonderful. While you can watch other cars rusting away from the salt around here, it hasn’t even started on the Miata.”

Of course the real question is whether owning an MX5 will change Dave from a speaker to an attendee at the next MCA event? “I’ll keep going officially as long as I can, but whenever that runs out I’ll start doing it personally. One of the things my life has developed around is wanting to help people enjoy their cars by safely getting the most from them. Whether I’m there as a participant or to help with the event, I get a lot of gratification. We’ve got all the support we could want for Dallas, but I’d be there no matter what.”

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With my love of blue cars I really wanted one of these back in 1999. But I had just paid off the 1995 Laguna Blue and had it modified to my taste, so the only way I would get one then was to to win the one there were giving away as a door prize at the Miata Club of America’s national meet in Dallas, TX. Donna and I attended that weekend Miata extravaganza and we came away with a door prize of leather seat covers for our car, but no blue 10AE Miata.

Party of the Decade

It’s the next Miata special: the first on the M2 body; and a guaranteed collector frenzy. Lev Goldfarb moves the clock ahead to Ten A.M.

A decade at the top is a long streak for anyone, but for an automobile it is almost an eternity. The Miata has been the best car of its type—and often the only car of its type—ever since it was introduced in 1989, so this year marks a very important anniversary. Now that Miata Mania is turning ten years old, Mazda wants to celebrate with a new special edition conceived purely for Miata Maniacs.

Surprising? Well, yes and no. Remember, five years ago Mazda celebrated the MX5’s fifth birthday with international events (including the Miata Homecoming at Irvine), the introduction of the M-Edition and R-Package, the California Edition in Britain, and a host of Miata-based show cars. They did not, however, release a five-year-anniversary model per se. That makes this new package the first Miata ever dolled up to celebrate a specific event. (Purists might argue that England’s 24-unit run of MxX5 Le Mans Commemorative Editions also fits this definition, but I disagree. As a private venture between Mazda’s UK importer and BBR Turbosystems, the Le Mans Edition seems more appropriately considered a tuner car, not a factory special.)

The “10th Anniversary Model”—or “Ten A.M.” to the wags—is a different kind of special edition; it’s like nothing that Mazda has sent to America before. First, it’s an international model; aside from the spec and legal changes required by various countries, each of the 7500 copies in the world will look and feel the same. Whether you’re in Japan (500 units), the United States and Canada (3150), Europe (3700), or Oceania and Asia (the rest), your 10th Anniversary Model Miata will feature unique Innocent Blue Mica paint, a sequential badge on the fender carrying the car’s build number, 15-inch polished Mazda alloys, and a color-keyed blue-gray roof and top boot.

In the interior, carbon-look inserts and chrome gauge surrounds set off the dash, while suede-like blue trim covers the seat inserts, steering wheel grips, and shift boot. The Ten A.M. also features deep-pile blue carpets, power door locks, and a top-end Bose AM-FM receiver/CD player. Even the ignition key is a unique commemorative special. Each car built will also come with a numerical owner’s certificate signed by Mazda Corporation president James E. Miller.

So far, so good; what would a Miata special edition be without lots of trinkets and eye candy? The Ten A.M., however, is going to turn out being more than that, at least for Americans and Europeans. Its other standard feature is Mazda’s close ratio six-speed manual, which up until now has been unavailable outside Japan. Better still, by using this upmarket special edition as a wedge to get the new gearbox certified in other markets, it will also make it possible to offer the six-speed in cheaper Miatas down the line. (Whether Mazda will choose to do that, of course, remains an open question….)

Developed by Japanese gearbox specialist Aisin, the new Type YL6OMD six-speed fits in the same space as the current 5-speed (Type M15MD) and is
just three-and-a-quarter pounds heavier. (Dropping one into any Miata, new or old—would be child’s play.) Though the gearbox is based on an Aisin design, both companies went on to develop its shift action and meshing rate to match or beat those of the MX5’s existing five-speed.

As soon as the Ten A.M. was revealed at the Tokyo Motor Show, Miata fans in the know noticed how similar its color treatment was to Tom Matano’s personal M1 “Gray-Haired Miata.” Though the color schemes weren’t an exact match, they were certainly close enough in concept to make people wonder. Was the much-anticipated, highly secret tenth-anniversary model staring us in the face all along? This seems to be the case cosmetically. Mechanically, on the other hand, we always expected a six-speed; we just never really thought we’d get it.

The Miata 10th Anniversary Model hadn’t been priced as this issue went to press, but start saving your nickels and dimes. It’s unlikely to be cheap.

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I really don’t remember a call for submitting funny Miata stories with a prize reward back in 1998. There are two options here: 1) I totally missed the call for funny Miata stories or 2) I did submit some, but like a lot of my stories (Exhibits 1 – 2 – or 3) they were too long for consideration.

Your Best Stories

MM staff picks the funniest tales from ten years of Miata motoring.

The original idea came from Mazdaspeed, the factory-backed tuning company that’s been working hard all year to raise its profile in America. “Since Miatas are all about fun,” they said, “let’s get your readers to tell us their funniest stories. We’ll supply the prizes if you’ll run the contest.”

Done deal: Issue 98-IV laid down the challenge, and a flurry of envelopes and e-mail poured in during the following months. We picked our favorites by pure caprice and whimsy, doling out whichever prizes seemed appropriate. Read on for the results.

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Hope Springs Eternal
Wearing a youthful pair of Nikon driving glasses around East Northport NY might make Peter Dyke feel better after this run-in:

I was attending a local park festival — you know; kids, strollers, food stands, a band about to play in the gazebo—nice home-towny stuff. I had just parked my red ’90 Miata and strolled into the park past two police officers when circumstances put me within earshot of them. I heard the following conversation:

Officer 1: (looking at my Miata): “When they first came out, I thought we had another automatic speeding ticket machine, like them Porsches.”

Officer 2: “Yeah, me too. Sure didn’t work out that way, huh?”

Officer 1: “Nope. Seems like only two kindsa’ people drive these things: Good-looking girls, and old guys like him wishing they could still have girls like that.”

I left the park feeling far older than when I entered….

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Making P’nut Better
Gertrude Palm Girr, of Kalamazoo MI, earned her dog P’nut a Mazdaspeed necktie — you’ll know where it goes in a minute — with this one:

It all began logically enough…. My dog P’nut had an ear infection. The vet, who also has a convertible, suggested ear protection and eye protection for safety.

I came up with child’s safety goggles, an old hat, and a bandanna to keep it all together. I didn’t realize how funny my “safety gear” was until I nearly caused an accident. A passing motorcyclist saw P’nut and laughed so hard he had to pull over.

P’nut still thinks he’s a cool dude.

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You Must Be Kidding
Tom Idziak apparently needs some grownup clothes: A Mazdaspeed necktie goes out to the Concord CA sports-car enthusiast:

One evening in January 1997 I was parking my 1990 Mariner Blue B-Package in front of the Behring Auto Museum at Blackhawk (Danville) California. The museum was hosting a lecture/demonstration on the restoration of the Pegaso Le Mans racer.

Pulling into the parking lot was the first Mercedes SLK that I’d seen. It was German Racing Silver and was driven by a distinguished-looking gentleman. I hung back, allowed him to catch up, and we talked about the various merits of sports cars (Miatas and SLKs included) as we ascended the steps to the museum.

I was lamenting the fact that the Miata no longer had the two-seat roadster field to itself with Mercedes’ SLK and Porsche’s Boxster coming to market. He said not to worry, because “Old guys like me buy the SLK, Porsche guys buy the Boxster, and young kids like you buy the Miata!”

Well, it’s been about 30-40 years since I was called a “kid,” but who was I to argue with his reasoning? To all my fellow Miata “kids” out there, I think we made the right choice!

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Patty Soaks her Head
Hagerstown MD’s Patty Eckels can wear a dry new Rotary Power T-shirt before trying this one again:

I was out doing errands on a beautiful summer day when I passed a car wash, so I thought I’d run in and wash the dust off my baby. I went in, put my money in the slot, put the dial on “wash/soap,” and started to wash her when I felt a fine mist of water on my face and arms. The wind wasn’t blowing — where was it coming from?

I looked up, and about that time all h*** broke loose. The hose broke, and water came rushing out—right into my Miata! I flew over to the driver’s side, got in, and got her out of there. Now, you know what that meant: By now I was soaking wet, and let me tell you, I look like a drowned rat when I’m wet.

I slowly got out of the car, went into the manager’s office, and he just looked at me. He said, “Got a problem?” I explained what had happened, and all he said was “Gee. Guess I’ll have to get that fixed — again!”

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Fully Loaded
From now on, Walnut Creek CA’s Paula Blais can wear a Mazda T-shirt to remind her how she got to the store.

My late husband and I had just purchased our Miata when we took it shopping at Costco and Home Depot.

While we were in line to pay for our groceries, my late husband asked me if I knew what car we had brought shopping. I said “yes.” (Who could forget a ride in a topless Miata?) He repeated the question: “Are you sure you realize what car we brought?” Again I said, “Yes, what’s the problem?” He replied, “Think what car we brought.”

Oh my gosh! We had all the groceries that Costco is famous for: an abundance of paper, cases of water, etc.

We were trying to decide if we’d have to go back home and get the truck, but before we did we tried to see if it would really be necessary. We attracted a lot of attention as my husband maneuvered the feat.

No problem: Everyone was surprised, including ourselves. The only trouble was a kitchen sink that we’d just bought at Home Depot—it was necessary for me to carry it on my lap.

When we came to a stoplight on the way home, a truckdriver next to us leaned out his window and said “Now I’ve seen everything—including the kitchen sink!”

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Chilling Tale
What could be more appropriate for S. Neal Crozier of Tempe AZ than a heavy-weight racing jacket?

In 1991, after having lived in Alaska for eight years, I moved to the “Valley of the Sun”—Phoenix, Arizona. Shortly thereafter I purchased my Miata. I then made two resolutions: I’d swim in my pool until the water temperature went below 60 degrees, and my Miata’s top would stay down.

Each morning on the way to the office I would pick up my fellow worker at his house. Come December it gets downright chilly at six a.m., but my resolution stood the test of time and weather.

As the days became colder, my passenger slunk lower and lower in the seat until he was almost under the dashboard. “Are you okay, or should I put the top up?” I inquired one very nippy morning.

“I-I-I’m just f-f-fine,” he responded between chattering teeth.

The next day he inquired if I still had my Alaskan winter clothes, because he and his wife were planning a trip to northern Arizona that weekend. I did, and I dropped off a full set of winter coverage that night.

Lo and behold, the next morning he approached my Miata in full Alaskan outdoor garb—wool cap with earmuffs, huge gloves, and my heaviest fur coat. “Drive on,” he said. “I’m ready for the elements now.”

That evening I put the top up — until February.

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Don’t Call the Firemen
Sounds like Internetter Jamie Firth needs a Mazdaspeed horn button to ward off another potential accident; next time, of course, he’ll have to be in the car when it happens.

Last night while I was watching Frasier my Miata was involved in a wreck. You might ask how that can be, since I was watching TV at the time. Well, one of the local volunteer firemen let a young friend drive his Honda scooter in the church parking lot across the street, that’s how.

Sounds safe enough, right?

Unfortunately, the kid forgot how to drive. He gunned the throttle and couldn’t figure out how to stop or turn. This propelled him through the parking lot, across the street, and up an embankment. Once he was in my yard he hit the foundation of an old garage, which shot the scooter into the air.

The fireman at this point thought they might go over my car. This, however, was not to be. The scooter nosedived into the front fender, and the driver and passenger landed on the hood. By the time I got to the back door to see what the noise was, they were sitting in my yard with the scooter laying nearby. At first I didn’t realize what had happened. The fireman asked me to call the fire station, and I got the phone and took it to him.

At this point I realized that the loud thump I’d heard was them hitting my car. Soon three police cars, an ambulance, and couple more volunteer firemen arrived and it became a full-blown three-ring circus.

I was just thinking why me?

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Aural Fixation
Internet citizen Enrico Massagli should be able to get in even more trouble once his Miata is festooned with a free batch of Mazdaspeed racing decals:

Think about it: You add an aftermarket exhaust system to your Miata and the last thing that enters your mind is “Is it legal?” (As in, “Is it loud enough to warrant the curiosity of the local state trooper, or is it just giving the car a little character?”)

As my wife Louise and I were headed east on I-80 through Fairfield CA, I made eye contact with a parked California Highway Patrolman and soon found him tight in my “six-o’clock” position. My life passed across my mind—as well as the fact that I didn’t have a front license plate or a stock muffler.

We exited into the left turn lane at the factory outlets and, sure enough, my newfound “friend” remained directly behind me. With my top down I heard the distinct click of the public-address system mounted on his front bumper (about five feet behind my head) and was nearly made permanently deaf with the announcement, “Your car sounds great!”

Trying my best not to soil myself, I gave the nice officer a big grin and a thumbs-up as he pulled a U-turn and reentered the highway. I wondered aloud to Louise what motive could have brought him to follow me off the freeway and scare the living daylights out of me like that?

Her answer was simple and to the point: “Don’t you know envy when you
hear it?”

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Elementary, My Dear Mabry
Rallymasters always need more time-keeping gadgets, so Alan Mabry of Douglasville GA will be timing his next event with a steering wheel-mounted Mazdaspeed Time Trap stopwatch:

Early in our club’s existence we held a rally. This was not the ordinary type of timed-distance event, but one where you had clues to figure out. The winner was the one closest in actual mileage.

The clues were not ordinary; you had to watch for landmarks and know terms like “port” and “starboard.” There were clues such as “Turn away from the sun after you pass a stream on the passenger’s side.”

As the event coordinator I tried to find things that would test the owner’s knowledge. I figured Miata owners should know as much about their cars as any normal car buff and, for the most part, they figured out things like “Go as many miles as you have sparkplugs.” It was one of the simpler ones that actually threw them for a loop.

It was during one of my jumps from one checkpoint to another that I saw the funniest thing. As I turned a corner, I spotted four of our cars pulled over to the side of the road. Two had their hoods up and two had their trunks open. My first thought was that someone had broken down, but when I slowed as I neared the first two, I heard one say, “This thing doesn’t have a battery!” I drove a little farther to the second group and heard a driver say, “I think it’s in the trunk here!”

I started laughing, realizing that the clue for the next turn was “Turn in the direction your battery is on!”

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Charge!
Since Peter Blowitz is apparently a fan of bump-starting, the Somis CA resident can watch the pros do it from now on with a brand-new pit-credential case.

Here’s a story that probably has been duplicated quite a few times. After I had my 1990 Miata about four or five years, the battery was prone to not start the car. I was careful to always park on an incline so I could roll it and pop the clutch, as I wasn’t up to paying for a $200 battery.

Well, my girlfriend borrowed the car one day not knowing about the battery problem. Of course, it wouldn’t start for her, and she called AAA. I got a call at my office, during which she exclaimed, “Your car wouldn’t start and I called the auto club, and…. Well, someone stole your battery!”

Obviously, they didn’t think to look in the trunk. (Needless to say, she also thought I should get a new battery.)

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Wash and Dry
A pair of new T-shirts go out to Shawn and Kay Hesketh; the Houston TX couple might want to carry these under their Miata’s seats just in case:

I’m one of those Miata owners who prefers to hand-wash my own car at home. I know better than to trust my car’s delicate paint to those harsh brushes. But once my wife and I drove past one of those “touchless” car washes and I said to her, “Let’s run the Miata through the car wash. How much could it hurt? After all, it doesn’t even touch the car, right?”

Once inside, the powerful jets of water easily separated the rubber seal from the driver’s-side window, shooting me square in the face and on the side of the head! I began frantically looking around for anything to block that gap. A piece of black felt that I used to protect the window was all that was available. I quickly snatched it and handed it to my wife, who had just seconds to put it in place and protect herself.

Cycle after cycle, we took turns passing the dripping rag while we watched a mini-waterfall cascading through the zipper at the top of the rear window. After what seemed an eternity, we found ourselves laughing hysterically at the adventure we’d created. Finally, the dryers roared to life.

I’m sure the man in the car behind us still enjoys telling the story, but my car has never been so clean…inside and out! Anyway, the next time you drive by a “touchless” car wash, just smile and keep driving…

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The Demonstrator Model
Peter McInnis is Assistant New Car Manager at Eddie Accardi Motors, a dealership in Pompano Beach FL. Who better to sport a heavy, die-cast keyring model of Mazda’s rotary engine?

Let me start off by telling you that I sell Mazdas for a living. Once I had a young lady come in to lease a new Miata, and when we went out on a test run, I drove first to show her what the car could do. Then I proceeded to pull over for her turn at the wheel.

She was a blonde about 5’4”, with everything going for her. She was wearing a very pretty sundress with spaghetti straps and not much more. She got in and we took off.

Pretty soon she was really getting into it—so much so that when she threw the car into third gear, one strap of her dress ripped to bare all! She let off on the throttle, pulled her dress back up, and calmly said, “I bet this doesn’t happen every day.”

Needless to say, I was a little shaken up. She just giggled.

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The Land of the Blind
Denton TX’s Kathleen Longbridge can keep better track of her dates with a new Mazdaspeed Sports Watch.

I’d finally worked up the nerve to ask my very handsome neighbor on a date. He agreed, and we decided to go to a local flea market the following Sunday. I picked him up on a bright and sunny morning in my top-down red 1991 A-Package.

We had a lot of fun and enjoyed spending the day together. I even told him about some of the more disastrous dates I’d had lately — especially the one where a guy disappeared in the middle of lunch, never to return!

Toward the end of the day my new friend wanted to see one booth and I wanted to return to another, so we agreed to meet back at my car in 15 minutes. I got there first, got in, put the key in the ignition, and waited. And waited. And waited.

Twenty minutes went by, then 30. After 45 minutes I was really steaming, so I lit a cigarette to calm down. I wound up dropping it in my lap and nearly setting my pants on fire. I leapt out of the car and started wildly slapping at my crotch, getting more angry every second. After that I decided I’d been had again, and furiously cranked the key in the ignition to take off. Naturally, I turned it so hard that it bent and nearly broke. Now I was stood up, stuck in a parking lot, smoking inside and out, and pretty much ready to spit nails.

Right then my “date” passed by. I started chewing him out royally, really letting him have it and letting him know what I thought about being stood up, particularly after the story I’d told him. “But we agreed to meet back at your car 45 minutes ago…” he started saying.

“I know that! So, where the %$#*& were you?!”

“Well, for the last 45 minutes I’ve been waiting in your car. What I can’t figure out is, why have you been sitting here in someone else’s?”

I looked down, and all of a sudden it hit me: My red A-Package didn’t have a CD player…!

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