Food

Sex, TV & Spam

There were 89 spam messages caught by my spam filter at work this morning and quite a few dealt with trying to sell magic pills to improve my sex life. I am amazed at the creative titles and thought that they could be broken down into which Cable TV channel they would be shown on if they were the titles of infomercials instead of the subject lines of spam.

Release your inside beast! on Animal Planet
African temper in amour on BET
Your prescription for success on Discovery Health
Become arousal athlete! on ESPN
Pumper for pant muscle on Fit TV
Recipe for hot nights on FOOD
Invest in your wang! on CNBC
Be her volcano on National Geographic
Just be a male! on Spike
Right spell for your ‘magic wand’ on SyFy
No sad accidents in bed on Tru TV
Be furious in bed on Versus

I’m not sure what channel these last three belong on, maybe you have some channels I don’t get, let me know what you think:
Be good at humping!
Become a lech instantly
Flaccidity is not for you

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Food For Thought

Venture capital needed for a new company that Mark, Jim and I are forming to make food fun and easy. Jim’s first request is help in making a PB&J sandwich without ruining your nice fresh, soft white bread. Peanut butter and jelly formed into slices and individually wrapped, ala Kraft Singles. I thought that once that product takes off our next release should be a Fluff ‘n’ Nutter variation.

After our new company is making money hand over fist we will be getting into genetically engineering fruit. Mark likes apples, but hates the skin, so our first venture in that direction be be to create an apple that will peel like a banana. I thought why stop there, we should make it so that alternating sections are either dense intertwined fuzz or little bitty hook things so that when reeled down and pushed together below the apple they become a stick like handle.

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Back Pads

This was our Friday afternoon off and I put it to good use by replacing the back brake pads on the Emperor. Donna put it to good use by having the time to try out a shrimp salad recipe she saw on a Barefoot Contessa cooking show.

I spent the evening plotting out caches along routes for the two statewide challenges we are doing. Now we just have to hope that on Sunday we don’t get the 60% chance of rain, but fall into the 40% no rain range. And she spent the evening watching Food TV looking for other meals to try out in case we fall into the 60%.

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The Monkey Needs More Soap

Sometime over the weekend I got something stuck between a couple of back teeth. Rigorous flossing removed the offending piece of food stuff. Later that day I poked my tongue back there and felt something sharp. And a hole. Great, I probably busted the edge of a tooth that was probably mostly filling. Visions of expensive crowns danced in my head.

Fortunately it only ached a little back there, not hurt, and it was sensitive to temperature. Tuesday I called the dentist and they had just had a cancellation for Wednesday at 11:00AM. Today was my lucky day. Turns out I had broke out an existing filling, so they just had to clean out the hole, scrape off a little tooth material and pack the hole full of Mighty Putty.

Our Dirty Monkey is really a lotion dispenser, but we use him for hand soap.

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Dining Out

Last night we went to dinner at Outback because we had received a coupon in the mail to buy one Special Summer Adventures entrée for $9.95 and get the second one free. I added a Coke to drink (actually required for the coupon to be valid) and we split a Caesar’s Salad. Total with tip $19.

Tonight we went out to dinner at Ryan’s for the MMC’s monthly meeting. We had a coupon to buy one Mega Bar (AKA: Stupefying Buffet) and get the second free. I added a sweet tea and our total with tip came to $14.43.

With the food and overall dining experience, the Outback dinner out was worth $35, the Ryan’s meal was barely worth $10.

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Wonder Where My Wonder Bread Went?

Now that Hats Off To Caching in SC is in the field, and found, it is time to think about hiding another. My new favorite caching inspiration, Renzo Tobias, has second puzzle for a mystery cache on his site that I think I might imitate called Grocery List. He used it on a cache called Food Glorious Food and it has a way of checking if your coordinates are correct, so this way we would know if the answers we come up with are right and then we can build our own version.

As usual when we went through the questions, I got some right off, Donna got some quickly and we struggled over a couple. Tonight we did our weekly grocery shopping and as well as picking up the stuff we needed, we shopped for the items we solved for on Renzo’s grocery list to find out what number the given ingredient was, so we could solve the puzzle.

Kroger didn’t carry our answer to clue ‘C’: Not a cracker nor will it help change a tire. But a visit to the Cracker Jack’s web site told me that soy lecithin was ingredient number 9.

Clue ‘H’ reads: Curiously the red, blue, and yellow spots make us hand over extra dough? Kroger also doesn’t stock Wonder Bread, so if you are out shopping and your local store carries WB leave the ingredient number niacin is in the comments.

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Insect Food

About two weeks ago I got two insect bites on both sides of my right leg just above the knee. They itched, swelled and oozed clear stuff, staying that way for about three days until a scab formed. I’ve never reacted to mosquito bites that way, so I guessed they were from a spider, but whatever they were from they were unpleasant.

Then a week ago I got bit 4 times. Back of the right side of my neck, about four inches further down on my back, near the waist on the left side and on my left ankle. I don’t feel the initial bite, but then I’ll notice something itching and scratch a bump.

Those four had just about cleared up when on Monday morning I had an itchy bump on my left forearm. Then later that morning I noticed an itch under my left arm and then one further down the back on the same side.

It is just me, Donna hasn’t been bothered a bit. They could only be coming from a couple places, my dresser or I’m getting bit each time we venture into Hitchcock Woods. My plan of attack to combat this issue was to wait until I had had been bitten enough that my body developed an immunity to what ever was feeding on my, but it didn’t seem to be working. So last night my wife saiid let’s take everything out of my dresser and wash it. Then in the morning you can spray the drawers and everything down with some bug spray.

Washed, sprayed, replaced, we’ll see how it works out.

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