Arts & Crafts

Obituary For A Printer

Friends,

It is with much sadness that I inform you of a beloved co-worker’s passing yesterday.

PRVLAK_DFT_H4V_01 succumbed to a “50 Service” error. PRVLAK_DFT_H4V_01 or as his friends called him, LaserJet 4V, was 16 years old and for the first 15 years of his life he was a robust and reliable fellow who printed each and every one of the over a quarter million pages with glee. Last year age finally caught up with him requiring a tricky fuser transplant. Shortly after his full recovery from that ordeal, his 11 x 17 paper tray needed to be amputated because of wear. Three weeks ago with his rare life blood toner running low, it was discovered that supplies of this precious commodity were no longer available through normal channels. Unfortunately the non-FDA approved toner from South America did not arrive in time to save his life.

PRVLAK_DFT_H4V_01 is survived by his big brother PRVLAK_DFT_HDJ800 and his cousin PRVLAK_ENG_HP4650. Funeral services are being handled by Safety Clean and will be private. In lieu of flowers please send Staples gifts cards.

Brian Bogardus
Arts & Crafts Engineer
ASCO Valve Manufacturing
a facility of ASCONUMATICS
part of the Industrial Automation Division of Emerson Electric Corporation
located in beautiful Aiken, SC, USA

Started down, went up, still up.
Miata Top Transitions since 10/24/08: 895

Mother Would Be So Proud

Daily, I am emailed a PowerPoint presentation with a chart on it that shows how as a plant we are doing towards our goal of shipping out product. Weekly, I get another PowerPoint presentation with 3 lines on it, manufacturing, assembly and total, tracking our service levels (on time delivery.) The reason I get these presentations is not because I need to be keeping abreast of this sort of stuff, but in my capacity as the Arts & Crafts Engineer at ASCO.

I print these charts out on in full technicolor on an 18 x 24 piece of paper and post them outside the cafeteria. These are placed there in the hopes that my fellow associates will be inspired to work harder towards our common goals, but mostly they are ignored by the troops as they file in and out during breaks and lunch.

For the first year or so I sprayed some artists adhesive to the backs of the charts and stuck them to a larger piece of cardboard supported by an easel. About six months ago management decide that the cardboard thing just wasn’t professional enough, so they commissioned a very nice set of wooden frames. The frames even have a, hinged at the top, second frame with a piece of Plexiglas in the middle to protect the charts from outside damage and keep them looking nice. These were hung on the same wall that the easel used to sit in front of with the tops of the frames about 6′ off the ground. Inside the frames I have some miracle of modern science mounting system, it is made of a sort of rubbery sheet that has the same low tack long lasting stickum that is on post-it notes.

My daily routine is to print out my chart and go out to the frame and lift the hinged cover and prop it open on top of my head while I peel the old chart off the sticky mount and carefully smooth out the new chart while balancing the lid up with my head. Because I do this usually at mid morning break for a lot of people, I get some weird looks and comments from folks on their way to the cafeteria for break. Every chance I get I tell them that my mother would be so proud because she was always saying to me, “I wish you would use your head for something besides a hat rack.”

Started up, went down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 424

Captain Jack Will Get You High Tonight

A wedding?My Jack Sparrow doll action figure has gone from being alone, to sharing the spotlight with Davy Jones, to battling ol’ Davy for monitor top supremacy, to standing solo again. Some where along the way he has lost his trusty cutlass, so now his only job is to hold up a selection of pithy quotes from the two Pirates of the Carribean movies.

Today’s quote was especially on point as this morning I got a request to scan and OCR a old wedding program for a maid of honor co-worker. She wanted to use that particular format and change the words to match the ones needed for her friends upcoming betrothal. “Oh,” she asks, “Can you change the holding hands to a glass slipper while you are at it?” No problem at all. My summer intern doesn’t call me the Arts & Crafts Engineer for nothing.

Started down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 312