My What Big Pupils You Have

Today was Donna and my annual eye exams. We get the works, puff of air, reading the charts, looking through the dial-o-matic, follow my finger. Then you get a series of drops to dilate your pupils. While you are waiting for them to take effect you pick out some new frames. It is easy for me because I can actually see what they look like, but poor Donna who’s eyesight is so bad she has to rely on the opinions of the helpful staff and me. So far we haven’t led her astray.

Once your pupils are the size of pie plates you get the extra special treat of having and aircraft landing light aimed into each eye several times, so the doc can check for internal abnormalities. None found for either of us. After paying the bill we were sent outside into the very bright sunshine. Even though we both had sun glasses on we still put the top up on the car for the trip home. The rest of the evening was spent in reduced light.

It has been about five hours since getting the drops and my pupils are still twice normal size…

Started down, went up, still up.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 63

Born Again

Today was our semi-annual (bi-annual?) dental teeth cleaning appointment. My two upper front teeth are capped (kid thing, threw something against the wall which bounced back and busted teeth and split my lip) and for the past decade or so my gums surrounding the caps have always been slightly inflamed. At first we thought it was a reaction to whatever metal the caps were made of. But that turned out to be a fairly costly failure as the new gold caps didn’t fix the issue.

Last appointment my dentist talked me into seeing a gum guy. The results of that were I should increase my brushing from once a day to twice and bump the flossing from once a week to daily. Well I didn’t get the twice daily brushing thing going, but I did make it a habit to floss every night.

Today, both the hygienist and the dentist remarked how much better the gums looked around those caps. When they asked what I was doing differently, I told them I was flossing daily now. The dentist mmm’d his approval, but the hygienist positively squealed in delight. She said, “We just love born again flossers around here.”

Started down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 62

Do You Think I’ll Live To Be 80?

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”

He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?”

“Oh no,” I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either.”

Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”

I said, “No, my other doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!”

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”

No, I don’t,” I said.

He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”

“No,” I said. “I don’t do any of those things.”

He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a shit?”

Should Have Forwarded One Home

Got a couple of lame jokes via email at work and I should have forwarded at least one them home, so I’d have something to post here….

Started down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 62

Another Sign of Spring

Sprouting out of lawns everywhere are another indication that spring is here – For Sale signs. On our street, in the 1/4 mile to the stop sign, there are 3 houses for sale. Well, technically only two because when the realtor put up their sign at one house, it already had the cute SOLD banner across the top.

Started down, went up, back down, still down.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 60

Handy Conversion Table

  1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
  2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
  3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
  4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
  5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
  6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
  7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
  8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
  9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
  10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
  11. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
  12. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
  13. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
  14. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
  15. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
  16. 52 cards = 1 decacards
  17. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
  18. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
  19. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
  20. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
  21. 10 rations = 1 decoration
  22. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
  23. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
  24. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

Web Design for Dummies

Got a Gmail account? Want your own web page, but don’t know HTML from SHIT? Google has just the thing – pages.google.com. Don’t have a gmail account? Ask me, I’ve got a 100 to give away.

Here is my attempt – Brian’s Googlious Web Page.

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Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 58