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Now Here’s Something You Don’t See Anymore

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Here are some excerpts from a 3-page letter that came in the snail mail on Saturday for my deceased mother-in-law:

Dear Friend:
My name is Dick Hollman. In September 1991 my car was repossessed. Bill collectors were hounding me like crazy. I was laid off and unemployment ran out. In October I received a letter telling me how I could earn $800,000.00 anytime I wanted to!!! Of course I was skeptical, but because I was so desperate, and had nothing to lose I gave it a try. In January 1992, my family went on a ten day cruise and in February, bought an Escalade with cash. This program works perfectly as long as everybody is honest and enjoy not working again!!! THIS IS NOT A CHAIN LETTER!!! This is a perfectly legal money making opportunity. Please read the letter carefully, follow the instructions EXACTLY!!!!!

Whoever sent this forgot to advance the dates by a decade when they changed the vehicle purchased, Escalades weren’t manufactured until 1999.

1. Immediately send $1.00 US funds to each of the 6 names on this page.
Include with you dollar a request to be put on their mailing list. THIS IS THE CRITICAL STEP THAT MAKES THIS PROGRAM PERFECTLY LEGAL!!!!!

Bolding mine, doesn’t just putting this instruction in the letter invalidate this loophole?

4. Purchase a mailing list from DATA LINE, THEIR NUMBER IS 1800-497-2912. Ask for a list of opportunity seekers. This list is $40.00 and comes on address labels ready to go on envelopes. They will ship C.O.D. and take Master Card and Visa.

Internet searching reveals no company called DATA LINE that sells mailing lists. I also got no hits using a couple of toll free reverse look up directories for that number (I was scared to actually call it…) So this is probably not a way to scam people out of $40.

1)Steven Clewis
5453 Stewart Dr.
Virginia Beach, VA. 23464
…
6)Richard Creamer
Rt. 1 Box 2025
Ray City, GA.31645

The address label, a lick to apply kind, listed Mr. Creamer and that address. So, did Richard actually follow the written instructions in hopes of getting $800,000? Or did Steven Clewis have the return address labels printed up along with the

3. Copy or print 200 (or 500 if you are ambitious) copies of this 3 page letter.

in hopes of speeding up the income? As far as I can tell from my rudimentary internet searches, no one by the name of Steven Clewis lives at that address. There were 4 different names with 4 corresponding, but different, phone numbers that I could find listed at 5453 Stewart Dr.

Anyway, whoever hoped to profit from this “solicitation to join their mailing list” is going to be at least one buck shy of their goal as the letter went into our shredder. Right after I scanned it, so I wouldn’t have to retype these excerpts.

Started up, still up.
Miata Top Transitions since 01/01/06: 429
Tagged: Spam
← Best Laid Plans
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sturgeon’s law

"Ninety Percent Of Everything Is Crap"
Derived from a quote by science fiction author Theodore Sturgeon, who once said, "Sure, 90% of science fiction is crud. That's because 90% of everything is crud." Oddly, when Sturgeon's Law is cited, the final word is almost invariably changed to 'crap'.

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