A friend of mine has a huge dog that eats a lot and last night we went to the store to buy his weekly jumbo bag of dog food. We were in line to check out and a woman behind him asked if he had a dog.
He told her that no, he was starting The Purina Diet again although he probably shouldn’t — he said he had ended up in the hospital last time, but that he’d lost 50 pounds before he awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.
He told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. He said that the food is nutritionally complete so he was going to try it again.
Horrified, she asked why he ended up in the hospital — had the Purina made him sick? He told her no; he’d been sitting in the middle of the street licking his balls and a car hit him.
I got a version of this joke via email from my brother-in-law in Seattle just last night. I thought it was funny, but didn’t particularly like the way it was worded. I thought the whole thing about the others in line was not needed and the word poison in the woman’s statement on why he ended up in the hospital was a little to harsh.
So I searched the web for “The Purina Diet” and got a bunch of hits, half for actual dog food and half for this joke. A couple were to web based joke sites and on one I found a variation I liked a little better, tweaked it to my liking and posted it here.