Came via email (and I edited it a little):
Recently I was checking my 401k account and thinking about retirement, I saw an article about nursing homes, care facilities and retirement homes and ALL the expenses. Then it hit me. No nursing home for me! Here is my plan: I’m checking into A Holiday Inn. WHY?
With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it’s $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
Plus, I’ll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and dryer. I’ll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. And I’ll be treated like a customer, not a patient.
Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the church bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever — you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Holiday Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip & Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to visit you & probably check in for a mini-vacation.
Most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV — all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day. Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program. You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.
NO electric bills, no water & sewer bills, No Cable TV bills, No Trash bills in fact some one each days comes and empties ALL your waste baskets, does the beds… straightens up the living room, bath room, kitchen and bed room along with making up the beds. There is no charge for a daily newspaper or for 24 hour security and SEVEN day a week maid service. Meals are from a REAL menu and there is 24 hour coffee shops, guests services, business room with Fax, copier and the like. Uh, did I mention most now offer FREE internet. Free towels at the Pool, Jacuzzi, spa and workout facilities.
Those of you worried about savings… forget about a horrendous Maintenance bill that looks like what rent use to be. Save your money when it comes to property taxes, school taxes, lawn care, house up-keep as in gardening and landscaping. Parking is FREE and secure and convenient especially if you are handicapped and are a LONG term resident customer. You can greet guests in the Lobby, reading area, party or function rooms and later take them out to eat without Going Back Out. Valet parking makes everyone feel special and on vacation. Everyone there greets you with a smile and by name within one week of staying there. You feel welcomed and that you belong to a Team and one of the staff. Everyone ALWAYS treats you with dignity and respect you will NEVER see at an institution.
Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you’ll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you’re getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room — your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out this idea of my plan. I’m happy to report that they were positively giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even offered to negotiate the rate to $35 a night !
If you have special medical needs, just like if you were home… the nurses can visit you daily at the Holiday Inn, so can the podiatrist, the personal aid and assistant and even the PT therapist. On an extended stay for months, you can personalize your quarters with your own books, pictures and decorations.
Dial ZERO and you have a live voice only a few steps away that can respond to a request or offer assistance. The more I think about this and the thousands that can be saved and invested… why in two years you could be living FREE with a simple investment in Tax Free muni’s where the principle is never touched… You could have a 6 digit estate to hand down to your children in less than 10 years.
Now THAT is called LIVING… Seen any of the dozen Hawaiian Holiday Inns.. You would think you are in Heaven…