How Cold Is It?

60 above zero:
Florid­i­ans turn on the heat.
Peo­ple in Min­nesota plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Cal­i­for­ni­ans shiver uncon­trol­lably.
Peo­ple in Duluth sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Ital­ian & Eng­lish cars won’t start.
Peo­ple in Wis­con­sin drive with the win­dows down.

32 above zero:
Dis­tilled water freezes.
The water in Bemidji gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Florid­i­ans don coats, ther­mal under­wear, gloves, wool hats.
Peo­ple in Michi­gan throw on a flan­nel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York land­lords finally turn up the heat.
Peo­ple in Min­nesota have the last cook­out before it gets cold.

Zero:
Peo­ple in Miami all die.
Wis­con­sins close the windows.

10 below zero:
Cal­i­for­ni­ans fly away to Mex­ico
Peo­ple in Min­nesota get out their win­ter coats.

25 below zero:
Hol­ly­wood dis­in­te­grates.
The Girl Scouts in Michi­gan are sell­ing cook­ies door to door.

40 below zero:
Wash­ing­ton DC runs out of hot air.
Peo­ple in Min­nesota let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus aban­dons the North Pole.
Wis­con­sins get upset because they can’t start the Mini-Van.

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
Peo­ple in Michi­gan start saying…“Cold ’nuff fer ya?”

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Min­nesota pub­lic schools will open 2 hours late.

This came from a fel­low MMC’r who read it aloud to the Club when we gath­ered this last Sat­ur­day morn­ing for break­fast on what has been the cold­est day here all win­ter (so far) and Min­nesotans had that last cookout.